Ask Me Monday #5

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

I'm in need of some advice and I'm not sure what to do! 

My long term boyfriend that I love has just confessed to me that he likes something

really weird. We have been together a few years and I had no idea. He wants me to have sex with

him with a strap on!!! He said he has done it before and he loves it and wants me to do it

to him. Is he gay? What if he turns gay? I really dont want to do it at all. 

Help! What do I do?? 

First off, I'm so glad that you wrote in to ask me, I know from your end this must be

confusing and awkward but believe it or not many people have all sorts of fantasies, fetishes

and "different" sexual acts that they either are curious about or maybe tried and loved. 

First thing though - put what the actual fetish is itself aside for a moment.

Your partner has just told you something that obviously he has kept hidden away for quite

some time. I'm quite sure that it took a lot of thinking, worrying and putting it off before finally

coming out and telling you about this important piece of himself. A lot of people, both men and women are scared to tell their partners about their fetishes because they fear a bad and embarrassing reaction. This is a part of him that he has just trusted you with and is deeply hoping that you will be there for him in fulfilling it.

You may have thought everything was just peachy, with a great relationship and then all of the sudden out of nowhere you are slammed with this. You might feel hurt, misled, confused about why he wants to do such a thing. You have no clue about how to go about it and not sure if you even want to.

Understanding what a fetish is

Even though a fetish will vary from person to person, every fetish works the same. 

They all use the same mechanism - the object, act or material is connected to pleasure. 

Some objects that people have fetishes with include: Nylons, high heeled shoes, boots, feet, etc...

Acts: Pegging, anal sex, cross dressing, exhibitionism etc..

Materials: Silk, latex, leather, lace etc.... Literally anything can become a fetish.

Fetishes go on for ever and while some things will simply make someone aroused, others fantisize or have the greatest experiences ever when they are getting their fetish fantasies fulfilled.

Literally millions of people have fetishes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a fetish (provided it is legal and consentual) and there's nothing wrong with not having one either. 

This fetish he has told you about is a part of him and his sexuality just as much as him loving you is.

It's just another thing that makes him who he is and it's a part of his sexual nature. 

Trying to remove or supress that would be supressing his sexual nature when really, it could open up a whole new door to try new things and maybe even something that you might enjoy!

Remember that coming out with a fetish is never an easy thing for someone.  A lot of the time it could be something that he or she could be very ashamed about. Please be light with your reaction!

Communication is very important here. Ask questions - If you dont understand 
then do a little bit of research.

Dont just brush it off - give yourself time to come to grips with this and really decide if you are willing to give it a try. When you fully understand your partner's fetish it will be easier to make the decision in a fair way, whether you choose to give it a try or not.

It's not at all fair to him or your relationship as a whole to just up and say No when you havent even discussed, researched or given much thought to this desire of his.

If you cannot come to a compromise with you giving it a try and decide not to fulfill this sexual need of his, be honest. Have a discussion about how he can fulfill this need without involving you. It's crucial to your relationship that you respect your partners needs - even if you have decided to not take part in it. It is a part of who they are.

Many relationships end because of cheating - yes, I agree that cheating is bad whether it's about sex, money or hiding anything from the partner but for the most part people cheat because something isn't being fulfilled. Cheating is a deeper relationship issue that stems from another problem and it's best to avoid. 

Now that I've talked a bit about fetishes and what they are, I will talk about your partner's specific fetish.

What your partner wants to do and has learned in the past that he loves and gets very aroused with is called "Pegging". 

Pegging has absolutely nothing to do with being gay at all and I would completely wipe that thought from your head! 

The most unfortunate thing about sexual play is that society's vision of anal play on men is "gay". It really isn't. If it involves a woman performing the act of getting a man off - How is that gay?? It's not - AT ALL!!

Even if he wanted you to dress him like a girl - if he wants to do it with you then embrace it.

This is something that he wants to share with YOU so I would start with wiping that worry of him being remotely close to gay from your head (there's nothing wrong with being gay but I'm talking bout your specific situation).

In every man's ass is his prostate.

The white thing in the photo's ass is a prostate massager toy.

The Prostate (or A Spot) is the equivalent of the women's G Spot and men are capable of having mind blowing orgasms much stronger than the orgasms he has with his penis.

I'm always telling men that if they aren't taking advantage of their prostate they are missing out and I tell them that hopefully they will grow out of that mindset.

There are many different ways to stimulate it and one of those ways is by pegging.

Many men are turned on with the fact that their partner is in total control. 

Pegging is becoming more and more popular and every week I see at least 3 couples come in and choose a strap on for pegging purposes. This is a pretty common one and it isn't bad at all. Doctor Love carries about 20 different strap ons - that is how popular it is!

You dont have to jump right in to the pegging either - you can take it slow, start with some fingers inserted or a toy, I wrote a great article about Anal for Beginners HERE which will give you many other ideas and ways that you can play with him before jumping in to pegging.

If you are concerned about the "dirtiness" of it, make him have an enema first. That will relieve any poo mess issues. You can get an enema kit from any pharmacy and most adult shops, we carry them at Doctor Love right by the anal toys.

Also, while shopping for your first strap on, choose wisely. 

Material is important - Medical grade silicone will be pricier but it is hypo-allergenic and totally non porous and easy to keep clean - very important for anal play. If it smells of strong rubber it is not good for anal usage, you dont want bacteria to leech in to the material. 

Any good shop will open the packaging for you so that you can check it out. 

Also, go together - it does make a fun date buying sex toys! The funnest thing about it is watching your partner's face as they look at all of the different toys, types of accessories and everything. 

Even if you think you know what your partner likes, you can see when he looks at different products what he wants to try or not. That's the greatest part!!

Dont ever worry about the person working at the till - this is everyday stuff to them! Don't be shy and ask questions! 

When pegging for the first time, it is best to give him control. Since you can't feel him clenching or when to stop without him telling you - lie down with the strap on pointing up and he can lower himself down on top. This way, until you are fully in he can control it and it will be more comfy for both of you. 

Once you are able to really get going, switch positions. 

Later on this week I will be writing an article about Strap On Sex. It will include a bit on Pegging as well.

I do hope I have helped a bit, I think you should give it a try! You dont know if you will like it or not, you just don't like the idea. Unfortunately that is because it's a bit off of the norm. You will never know if you don't try it and it will turn him on so much if you gave it a try. If you dont like it you don't have to do it again but I suggest giving it a go - You may just be surprised that you might like it!

If you have any other questions please do ask and keep an eye open for me next article - Strap On Sex.