Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent
in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.
Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering
if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder?!
anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website
and we just might answer yours!
This week's question is:
"I dont last as long as I used to. I have a very high sex drive and am ready to
go anytime. I am wondering what you can suggest to help me not arrive so quickly.
I'm not saying that I'm a 2 minute man or anything but I's like to last longer than I do.
Also, does my jerking off affect how long I last in bed? Is there such a thing as jerking off too much and is it affecting me in a bad way?"
Great topic :)
First off I would like to reassure you that getting yourself off is not
bad for you at all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it at all and
it will not affect you in a bad way. The only times it will affect you in a bad way is if it
is actually affecting your life doing it so much where you can get
in to trouble with other people or if your partner doesn't understand your needs and it
affects your relationship in a bad way. These are completely different
issues though and doesn't sound like those are an issue for you - they
would be a whole other topic.
The only way that getting yourself off will change any difference in the length
of time you last in bed is if you do it soon before sex.
There are a few ways to help prolong yourself in the sack and one of the
ways is, depending on your recovery time (the time it takes after you have an orgasm
to the time you can get hard again - this time varies from person to person),
lets say for example, you can't get it up for 15 minutes after you blow a load.
If you were to jack off 15 minutes before you were to have sex with your partner
you should actually prolong your time in bed with her. I'm not sure if you have tried
this, but try it - whatever your recovery time is, go jack off before sex and
see how much of a difference that makes. It should help a bit anyways.
Jacking off really wont affect your time with your partner in any
negative way, so no need to worry about that.
Another fact to consider is that women naturally take longer than men
to orgasm. In most cases much much longer!
This is just how it is and it is totally natural. I have a lot of women tell me that
they just cant orgasm with their partner but a lot of the time the issue isn't that
they cant, they just don't spend the required time, he gets off and she
feels too pressured (whether it's him pressuring her or all in her head) and then it's over.
This is going to get a little explicit here in a moment...
Knowing the fact that that is just the way it is, there are many natural ways
to prolong yourself while helping her at the same time. Everyone is unique
in the time it takes so this will vary from person to person.
For example, lets say it takes 15 minutes for her to have an orgasm but only 5 minutes
for you. You must start with foreplay. This is an absolute must if you would
like to speed her up and slow you down.
If you don't have a vibrator - get one. Sometimes it takes a few to find one
that she really likes but it's worth it when you find it!
Start with her.
You know best in what she likes. Use the vibrator on her to get her going
and then eat her out a little to get her nice and further along. If she doesn't like
that then use your hands. Kiss her all over, some women love their nipplles and breasts played with - Just play with her and get her going.
It will get her a lot closer than just diving in to sex because if you do, you are
going to get off and she isn't. That is when sex gets boring and issues start to happen.
We don't want that!
If she ends up getting close - stop. Don't let her orgasm yet.
Give her half a minute (if needed) and then start penetration. If you feel like you are going to come to orgasm and don't want to yet a little trick is to change positions.
That will give you a few moments to hold off. Each time you feel like you are getting really close you can either hold off by changing positions or pulling out and focusing on her by doing anything - eat her out, finger her or use a toy on her, play with her breasts or
whatever. The best sex is playful, adventurous and uses different positions and techniques anyways - she's not going to know that you are secretly trying to prolong
yourself, and not only are you doing that but you are making it fun and different.
The possibilities of the things that you can do to prolong your orgasm by stopping
and doing something else are endless. There are so many fun things to
do together in bed! Also, by stopping your orgasm - when you do actually blow your
load it will make it that much stronger.
There are a few other things that you can do as well to prolong yourself in bed.
Have you ever tried a penis sleeve?
This is one of the many, many types of penis sleeves around. You can get
them very textured, nice and smooth, with extention bits on the end to make
you "longer" and there are also lifelike sleeves as well.
Sleeves serve two purposes. Not only are they a nice feeling for her (each woman
has her own preferences - some wont like textured, some women are short inside and longer causes pain and so on. It is important to know what she likes through
good communication or bring her with you while shopping). Try to find one
like the one in the photo above that has a band to anchor around the testicles.
They are a bit tight but very stretchy.
Sleeves also do something for the man as well. Because there is such a thick barrier
it will make it so that you feel less. You will feel a bit more by adding lubricant to the inside of the sleeve but if you do that make sure that you do choose one with the band that goes around the testicles so it doesn't slip off being slippery.
This will definitely help to prolong you by feeling less and it will help her with extra sensations as well. This is a good option to try as they aren't too expensive
(yet they CAN be) and it's always fun to try new things together as well.
The sleeves aren't just for your penis either - Use them on an insertible toy to switch up the texture. A toy that she didn't like before because it was too hard may
turn in to a favorite with a sleeve.
Another product used for prolonging is called a "desensitizer".
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Desensitizers come in a few different forms, they can be creams, balms
or sprays and they have a numbing agent called "lidocaine".
Basically these take away some of the sensation so that you don't feel as much
in turn, lasting longer. Using desensitizing agents is best used with
condoms as you will be defeating the purpose if it rubs off on to her, she lasts
long already as it is! However, the sprays will dry quickly and are
recommended because of that reason if you are not using condoms.
So those are the most common ways of prolonging orgasms for men and
should help you - especially the switching things up bit when you start to get close.
Also - don't be discouraged by this, 75% of all men say that they orgasm too quickly.
There's no reason that you have to stop after you blow a load either.
Surprise her - If you get off far too soon, just pull out and work on her!
It's only a matter of time before you can go again! There's no
"One orgasm rule" here. Just because you cum doesn't mean it's a done deal.
It only means (depending on the man) that you wont have an erection for how ever
long your recovery time lasts. You can do so much in bed with her until you can go again.
Anyways, I hope I've helped and gave you a few good things to try!
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Please do leave a comment! I love to hear your opinions,
suggestions and anything else you have to say.
If you have a question that you would like answered next Monday,
anonymous Ask Me Monday form on the main page of the Sexy U website Here
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