Next Class: Bondage for Beginners!

Next Class Has Been Scheduled!

"Bondage for Beginners"

Will be held at Doctor Love & Hemp City in Mission, BC

Thursday, September 12th

7:00pm - Approx. 9:00pm

$15/seat or $25/couple Cash Only 

Because of limited seating and the high demand

for this class you must pre-register - tickets are available

at Doctor Love & Hemp City

Class Description:

Have you been curious about bondage but not sure if it's for you?

Maybe your partner has confronted you with a fantasy and you are unsure of

what it entails? Maybe it's your fantasy?

This is a great glass for anyone curious about BDSM or wanting to expand their knowledge.

In this class you will learn what BDSM really is, how to add it in to your relationship/s,

safety procedures for all types of play, the importance of communication, knowing your limits

and using safewords & signals, learning how to properly spank, flog, learn the basics of wax play,

some basic rope work knowledge that you can use in your own scenes and many

more tips & techniques with different implements - some that you already have in your own home! 

Tons of product demos on a lucky volunteer and so much more - A lot of 

hands on in this class with a lot of new knowledge to take home & practice with!!

This class will be roughly 2 hours long, handouts & door prizes will be provided and

Doctor Love is generously giving 15% off to all ticket holders the eve of the class if you

choose to use it.

(Please enquire in store to any restrictions or limitations on the discount)

I hope to see you in class!

If you have any questions please feel free to contact me via Sexy U's Facebook page,

or through the contact tab of the Official Sexy U Website

Come on in and register today to ensure your seat!!

If you dont know where Doctor Love is located there is a map HERE

Ask Me Monday #6

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder when you can

simply ask a professional Sex & Intimacy Coach?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

Will you be doing a class about candle wax play?

What kinds of candles to use, safety, etc....

At the moment I don't have a plan in place for a class specifically on wax play, 

however in the Bondage for Beginners class coming up on September 12th 

we will be talking about wax play a bit - even with a couple of 

different waxes that Doctor Love has in store that you will be able to feel if you like!

There will be quite a few different demos in the Bondage for Beginners class.

I'm sure that other people that are unable to come to the class are curious about this as well, so I will do an in depth post about candle wax play for you right here, right now!

Many people enjoy adding wax play to their play time and it can be a very sensual and fun thing to do, provided you know the safety procedures and things to watch out for.

I'm so glad that you asked rather than have a bad experience and swearing off of wax play like I did many years ago - Since then I have learned so much and have been lucky to meet some great play partners over the years to teach me the ins and outs of wax play. I'm no longer turned off of it and add it in to our sensation play once in a while :)

The mistake I had made back in the day when I was young & naive was to go to the dollar store and get some pretty colored candles. I also wanted them to smell pretty too because my frame of mind was that with a blindfold on I could not only feel the wax with the anticipation of not seeing what was going on but to smell it also. BAD IDEA.

I was blistered, and the moment was not sexy and fun!! 

Most people (I would hope) would test it on their skin first.... I will get to the safety part further down the page though. But like I said - Young and naive!!

Some people are sadists and masochists (love giving or receiving pain) to varying degrees. Some like it much harsher than others of course so some of this info will depend on how painful you want it to be. 

As with any type of scene or play, communication is crucial to have a mutually pleasurable experience. It is especially important when playing with wax or anything that could potentially cause harm either physically or mentally. Talking to your partner before hand about your limits and expectations, safewords and knowing their physical body language and being completely honest if you discover that something isn't pleasurable is so important to ensure a great and safe time for all involved.

Important tidbits of waxy information:

The size of the candle, the ingredients and how far or how close to the skin you drip or pour it from will all vary the experience. 

Many different candles have different melting points and you definitely want to choose a wax with a lower melting temperature.

Paraffin wax is the best type of wax to use for wax play as it has the lowest melting point of around 120 degrees.

Votive candles melt at around 135 degrees, taper candles around 140 degrees or higher and the absolute worst form of wax to use for this type of play is beeswax - beeswax is extremely hot and melts at around 145 degrees or higher and it will burn!

There is another type of candle meant to be used on the body called a massage candle. These candles are made from hemp & soy and are totally safe to use on the body. These are not meant for pain though or great sensation play - they burn warm, not hot and are meant to be used for sensual massage. 

The melting point is very low at only 2 degrees warmer than your body temperature so it isn't great to be used for wax play since it's not hot at all. 

It is nice for warm massages though and it doesn't at all flake or harden like regular wax - It literally massages right in to the skin like a nice cream, leaving the skin silky soft & smooth. I love these in the winter :)

These are generally quite a bit more expensive than other types of candles

and are often flavored and/or scented. Because of the super low melting temp

its quite alright for fragrances in this case.

Ingredients such as fragrances (except for in massage candles), color and stearic acid (just look at the ingredients list on the candle or packaging) may cause irritation and burns as they highten the melting point temperature.

Something else that will help to reduce burns or irritations will be to hold the candle at least 18 inches above the body. By the time it hits the skin it will have lowered the temp a small amount. The closer to the body that you drip from, the hotter it will be - Always start higher.

The size of a candle will also make a bit of a difference. Long, thin taper candles or Sabbath candles will provide single drips, while larger, wider candles will be able to pool up so you can actually pour out a larger amount at a time. This is much more intense than small drips. It's great to grab a few different sizes and start with a taper while slowly working your way to large pools.

You can find paraffin wax candles at Dollar Stores for a decent price, just be sure that it is JUST paraffin. 

Something that is great fun is to make your own candles too - Paraffin is what people use when canning, it's that time of year right now so you will be able to find paraffin for canning at most grocery stores for a decent price. 

This way you can experiment by making candles of different sizes, I find it a lovely experience to have a few different sizes by your side when enjoying wax play since different sizes create different effects.

Start with a taper just dripping from way up high at first and then work your way to a pool from a wider candle.

You can also use a hot plate or a crock pot to heat large quantities of wax! This way you can make penis molds, spread wax using a ladle and use large quantities of melted wax at a time. If you do this, be sure that you have already used this exact wax in smaller quantities so that you know it's effects on the body.

Safety:

No matter what you are using be sure to test the wax on your skin before using it on your partner to ensure that it isn't too hot. I also suggest the bottom or sub to test one drip before being covered with it to be sure they arent too irritated. Some are much more sensitive than others, so it's always a good idea to test an area of skin first.

If using or heating large quantities of wax at a time, be sure to use a candy thermometer to keep the temperature at 120 degrees or lower. This will prevent burns and is very important.

Avoid waxing the face and head as these are obviously risky areas to have near open flame. Hot wax can permanently damage the eyes and would be insanely painful as well. 

Also, stay away from any hairy areas - wax is extremely awful and can be very painful to remove from the hair. 

Be sure to use drop cloth under your submissive to avoid ruining any surfaces. I recommend a non porous drop cloth (I LOVE dollar store shower curtains - they are useful for countless situations and you can throw them out afterwards! Definitely good to have a few kicking around). Using a non porous drop cloth will prevent the wax from soaking through to the floor.

Be sure that it is quite large - wax can be quite splattery, especially when dropping it from so high.

Remove any obvious fire hazards from the immediate play space and of course do not leave candles burning unattended! Blow them out before you excitedly leave the room!

Anywhere else on the body besides hairy areas & the head are good to go for wax play. 

Remember to communicate, play safe and choose your candles carefully.

You can find paraffin wax almost anywhere - just double check the ingredients 

and most adult stores carry massage candles and candles meant for wax play as well.

We carry them both at Doctor Love here in Mission.

I hope I answered your question! Please let me know if I missed something or you are curious about anything in this topic via message or feel free to comment on this post! 

I love comments!

Until next time,

Dana

Strap On Sex - WHO.WHAT.WHERE.WHEN.WHY

Strap-On Sex!

They aren't just for 2 girls anymore!! There are many different reasons one would use 

a strap on - for every couple type - Learn about them here.

This will be a 2 part post. 

That's right, contrary to popular belief strap-ons can be used by men or women, gay, straight or bisexual for many different reasons and pleasures.

There are strap ons of different materials, hollow ones, solid ones, vibrating ones, non vibrating ones, gigantic ones, tiny "beginner" ones, and even "strapless" strap-ons too! Each type depends on the purpose and who is wearing it - but before I get in to the different types I will get in to WHAT a strap-on is.

This is what a standard strap-on looks like.

Fairly straightforward, a strap on is something one would wear to penetrate their partner. 

These are great for all kinds of couples. I will explain the many ways that different types of couples can use them.

Woman on Woman

Since of course women dont have a penis, why not strap on on to pleasure your partner?! This is very popular in lesbian & bisexual relationships since there is still the fulfillment of being penetrated and hitting the good 'ol G Spot as well. 

All types of strap-ons can be used woman/woman.

Many men have the fantasy of watching their lady with another woman - this is a great toy to bring to the

event!

Man on Woman

With all of the medications out there, the chemicals in our synthetic foods and the lack of knowledge that men need to to their kegels as well (read about that HERE), many many men are increasingly having problems either maintaining or getting an erection. 

A hollow strap on is a great way that a man may still pleasure his wife through penetration. Strap-ons for this purpose have a hollow middle so his penis can slip in and stay there while he has sex with her using the strap-on. They make some very real feeling ones nowadays!

For men that have premature ejaculation or just cum too quickly for their partner, a hollow strap on is a great way to prolong that. Since they are so thick, he isnt going to feel much through it helping him to last a lot longer. Some people find this beneficial. 

Another reason that a man might wear a strap on for his woman partner is if she wants to try something a bit bigger but still have the sex action with her partner - Also many men have the fantasy of using larger items to penetrate her with. Strap-ons make a great toy for straight couples! Using a toy but ultimately together.

In some D/s relationships (Dominant/submissive) some Domme women will lock up her partners penis in chastity while only allowing her to be pleasured by him with a strap-on, not allowing him to orgasm. This is called orgasm denial (there are many forms of it, this is just one).

Woman on Man

You may have read my last Ask Me Monday Post where a woman was concerned about her partner's confession that he loved being "pegged". Pegging is a very common way to play between partners - I sell strap-ons to hetero couples multiple times per week - every single week for this purpose. Since men have a spot very similar to the woman's G Spot (the prostate) in their ass, it is very pleasurable to be penetrated by his lady partner with a strap-on, especially a "g spot" or curved one.

Some women will only let a man have sex with her anally if she gets to do it to him first - Hey, we have the same bums! He's the one with the G Spot in it though....

Many men like the feeling of being dominated by a woman and that alone is a major turn on for some when their partner uses a strap-on on them. She may even make him suck it! The possibilities are endless.

Others enjoy "sissification" which is being dressed up like a woman for the evening and being treated and fucked like one too. Believe it or not this is a game that many straight men enjoy! So many people think that different acts make you "gay" but that is just not the case. Wanting to play these games with the opposite sex is not gay at all - It's just more games to play with your partner and have fun together. I have talked to and/or advised around 100 totally straight men that play these games, seriously!

Man on Man

Basically all of the same reasons above are the same reasons and ways to use a strap on with two men.

This is why strap-ons are a great toy for all types of couples - not just lesbians! 

We sell so many at Doctor Love & Hemp City (the adult shop I work in) that we carry about 20 different types.

Fun (and multi use) Strap-On Accessories

A great toy to add on to strap on play for every type of couple is a bullet & holster ( or a vibrating cock 

ring - please though, not the cheapo disposable ones - they suck!)

Tip:

Put the cock ring around the base of the strap on above the balls. (If your strap on has balls)

Place the vibrating bullet pointing upwards.

This way, everytime the strap on thrusts in, the small powerful vibrator with buzz right on your partner's clit every thrust! 

This is a very pleasurable addition and these can also be used on a penis or any other insertable vibrator to add some clitoral stimulation. 

These can also be used man/man. Simply twist the ring 180 degrees so that the vibrating bullet is pointing towards the floor for some ball buzzing stimulation every thrust!!

Tip:

You can add another bullet or take the one out of the cock ring and the person wearing the strap-on can insert it vaginally (with or without a cord) or anally (only with a cord!) so that the wearer is extra stimulated as well! 

Instead (or adding a 3rd), the person wearing the strap on can slip the bullet between the strap on & the clit! Holy stimulation!! Bullets are so wonderfully multi-functional - Can you tell I'm a fan?! I could do a massive post on JUST bullets - and I will!

Tip:

The amazing We-Vibe does it again! You can incorporate this amazingly versatile toy with ANY play - See my post all about it HERE. There are many ways to wear it and use it but as for strap on sex.....

Worn by a woman receiver she would have half inside up on her G Spot while the other half is clamped right up against the clit while she is being ahem..."worked" by the strap on. 

This thing has a motor on each side and is rechargeable - making it super strong! It can be worn one side vaginally & one side anally as well. It can also be worn by the strap-on wearer for stimulation. A great way for men to wear this vibrator is to put the smaller bulb in to the ass (resting right up on the prostate) while the other is pressed up and vibrating against the perenium (or "taint" as I like to call it). This would be extremely pleasurable whether worn by the strap on giver or receiver. 

One more way to use the We-Vibe with a strap on - use it similar as the bullet & holster above! 

If a strap on is being used on a woman, drape it over top "hanging" it on the dong of the strap on. This way each thrust will land vibrating on the labia. If being used on a man, drape it the same way and it will vibrate up and down his shaft each thrust, hitting his balls as well. Many more non strap on related uses for the We-Vibe Here.

                                  Tip:

Sleeves will change the texture, thickness and even 

length of your strap-on. They come in literally hundreds of styles. Some may not like the strap-on they have chosen because of the texture of it - getting a sleeve is a simple fix, rather than giving up or buying a whole new one.

Simply slip the sleeve over the shaft.

Some sleeves, like the one in the photo below will have a band that will stretch around the balls to

help keep it secure. 

As you can see, there are loads of ways to use and enhance play with a strap-on

for couples of all kinds. There are tons of little add ons to make it a bit different too.... 

Take your new knowledge and apply it to other toys too - All of the add ons above can be used with anything insertable: a penis, a vibrator, etc!

On late Sunday evening I will conclude this post looking closely at different types of 

strap-on materials, bands and how to choose the perfect one for you.

For now, I have a class tomorrow and will be at Doctor Love until then!

To be continued....

Ask Me Monday #5

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

I'm in need of some advice and I'm not sure what to do! 

My long term boyfriend that I love has just confessed to me that he likes something

really weird. We have been together a few years and I had no idea. He wants me to have sex with

him with a strap on!!! He said he has done it before and he loves it and wants me to do it

to him. Is he gay? What if he turns gay? I really dont want to do it at all. 

Help! What do I do?? 

First off, I'm so glad that you wrote in to ask me, I know from your end this must be

confusing and awkward but believe it or not many people have all sorts of fantasies, fetishes

and "different" sexual acts that they either are curious about or maybe tried and loved. 

First thing though - put what the actual fetish is itself aside for a moment.

Your partner has just told you something that obviously he has kept hidden away for quite

some time. I'm quite sure that it took a lot of thinking, worrying and putting it off before finally

coming out and telling you about this important piece of himself. A lot of people, both men and women are scared to tell their partners about their fetishes because they fear a bad and embarrassing reaction. This is a part of him that he has just trusted you with and is deeply hoping that you will be there for him in fulfilling it.

You may have thought everything was just peachy, with a great relationship and then all of the sudden out of nowhere you are slammed with this. You might feel hurt, misled, confused about why he wants to do such a thing. You have no clue about how to go about it and not sure if you even want to.

Understanding what a fetish is

Even though a fetish will vary from person to person, every fetish works the same. 

They all use the same mechanism - the object, act or material is connected to pleasure. 

Some objects that people have fetishes with include: Nylons, high heeled shoes, boots, feet, etc...

Acts: Pegging, anal sex, cross dressing, exhibitionism etc..

Materials: Silk, latex, leather, lace etc.... Literally anything can become a fetish.

Fetishes go on for ever and while some things will simply make someone aroused, others fantisize or have the greatest experiences ever when they are getting their fetish fantasies fulfilled.

Literally millions of people have fetishes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a fetish (provided it is legal and consentual) and there's nothing wrong with not having one either. 

This fetish he has told you about is a part of him and his sexuality just as much as him loving you is.

It's just another thing that makes him who he is and it's a part of his sexual nature. 

Trying to remove or supress that would be supressing his sexual nature when really, it could open up a whole new door to try new things and maybe even something that you might enjoy!

Remember that coming out with a fetish is never an easy thing for someone.  A lot of the time it could be something that he or she could be very ashamed about. Please be light with your reaction!

Communication is very important here. Ask questions - If you dont understand 
then do a little bit of research.

Dont just brush it off - give yourself time to come to grips with this and really decide if you are willing to give it a try. When you fully understand your partner's fetish it will be easier to make the decision in a fair way, whether you choose to give it a try or not.

It's not at all fair to him or your relationship as a whole to just up and say No when you havent even discussed, researched or given much thought to this desire of his.

If you cannot come to a compromise with you giving it a try and decide not to fulfill this sexual need of his, be honest. Have a discussion about how he can fulfill this need without involving you. It's crucial to your relationship that you respect your partners needs - even if you have decided to not take part in it. It is a part of who they are.

Many relationships end because of cheating - yes, I agree that cheating is bad whether it's about sex, money or hiding anything from the partner but for the most part people cheat because something isn't being fulfilled. Cheating is a deeper relationship issue that stems from another problem and it's best to avoid. 

Now that I've talked a bit about fetishes and what they are, I will talk about your partner's specific fetish.

What your partner wants to do and has learned in the past that he loves and gets very aroused with is called "Pegging". 

Pegging has absolutely nothing to do with being gay at all and I would completely wipe that thought from your head! 

The most unfortunate thing about sexual play is that society's vision of anal play on men is "gay". It really isn't. If it involves a woman performing the act of getting a man off - How is that gay?? It's not - AT ALL!!

Even if he wanted you to dress him like a girl - if he wants to do it with you then embrace it.

This is something that he wants to share with YOU so I would start with wiping that worry of him being remotely close to gay from your head (there's nothing wrong with being gay but I'm talking bout your specific situation).

In every man's ass is his prostate.

The white thing in the photo's ass is a prostate massager toy.

The Prostate (or A Spot) is the equivalent of the women's G Spot and men are capable of having mind blowing orgasms much stronger than the orgasms he has with his penis.

I'm always telling men that if they aren't taking advantage of their prostate they are missing out and I tell them that hopefully they will grow out of that mindset.

There are many different ways to stimulate it and one of those ways is by pegging.

Many men are turned on with the fact that their partner is in total control. 

Pegging is becoming more and more popular and every week I see at least 3 couples come in and choose a strap on for pegging purposes. This is a pretty common one and it isn't bad at all. Doctor Love carries about 20 different strap ons - that is how popular it is!

You dont have to jump right in to the pegging either - you can take it slow, start with some fingers inserted or a toy, I wrote a great article about Anal for Beginners HERE which will give you many other ideas and ways that you can play with him before jumping in to pegging.

If you are concerned about the "dirtiness" of it, make him have an enema first. That will relieve any poo mess issues. You can get an enema kit from any pharmacy and most adult shops, we carry them at Doctor Love right by the anal toys.

Also, while shopping for your first strap on, choose wisely. 

Material is important - Medical grade silicone will be pricier but it is hypo-allergenic and totally non porous and easy to keep clean - very important for anal play. If it smells of strong rubber it is not good for anal usage, you dont want bacteria to leech in to the material. 

Any good shop will open the packaging for you so that you can check it out. 

Also, go together - it does make a fun date buying sex toys! The funnest thing about it is watching your partner's face as they look at all of the different toys, types of accessories and everything. 

Even if you think you know what your partner likes, you can see when he looks at different products what he wants to try or not. That's the greatest part!!

Dont ever worry about the person working at the till - this is everyday stuff to them! Don't be shy and ask questions! 

When pegging for the first time, it is best to give him control. Since you can't feel him clenching or when to stop without him telling you - lie down with the strap on pointing up and he can lower himself down on top. This way, until you are fully in he can control it and it will be more comfy for both of you. 

Once you are able to really get going, switch positions. 

Later on this week I will be writing an article about Strap On Sex. It will include a bit on Pegging as well.

I do hope I have helped a bit, I think you should give it a try! You dont know if you will like it or not, you just don't like the idea. Unfortunately that is because it's a bit off of the norm. You will never know if you don't try it and it will turn him on so much if you gave it a try. If you dont like it you don't have to do it again but I suggest giving it a go - You may just be surprised that you might like it!

If you have any other questions please do ask and keep an eye open for me next article - Strap On Sex.

The importance of kegel exercising for men + how!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the importance of

doing kegel exercises for women - but did you know that it is just as important

to exercise the PC muscle group for men as well??

I'm going to go over the PC muscle group in the male body, why it is so important to

exercise these muscles, the effects and purpose of this muscle group and how

to properly strengthen them.

If you missed the Importance of Kegel Exercising for Women post, have a read

HERE

As you can tell from the photo below of exactly where the PC muscles lie in the male body, you can see that this muscle group preforms many functions:

The kegels, pelvic muscles or PC muscles as you may have heard them being called in the past are actually a group of muscles and fibers that perform a variety of functions called the Pubococcygeus Muscle.

PC Muscles are found in both men and women and span from the pubic bone in the front to the coccyx at the bottom of the spine in the back. These muscles support the pelvic organs and form the pelvic floor. 

For men, these muscles can weaken and stretch out becoming weak from physical sports (football & soccer for example), also from being overweight and with age - Same as women, minus the child birth part.
A weak, atrophied PC muscle is about a finger width thick and a healthy, strong one is about 3 finger widths in thickness.

When these muscles stretch out and weaken a variety of complications can arise including:

Incontinence

Both urinary incontinence and fecal (poop) incontinence are effects of weakened PC muscles since these are what control those sphincters. This is the reason that seniors wear depends - It can be prevented with the exercises that I will explain towards the end of the page. Many younger men dribble urine especially after going to the bathroom.

Erectile Dysfunction

A weakened PC muscle reduces blood flow to the penis causing weaker erections and in worse cases complete erectile dysfunction. These muscles (in conjunction with blood flow) are responsible for creating and maintaining erections. 

Premature Ejaculation
When these muscles are weak you lose ejaculatory control. When you lose ejaculatory control you blow far quicker than you intend to.

Decreased Sensitivity

The decreased blood flow to the penis with weak PC muscles drastically reduces genital sensitivity and also weakens your orgasms - even if your PC's aren't that weak, the stronger they are the stronger your orgasms will be along with any feelings down there. Knowing that you can have even better orgasms is reason enough for most men to start practicing your kegels!

**CAUTION:  Watch the bike riding.  Bike riding (on standard seats) can damage the pudendal nerve, which innervates these same pelvic muscles.  This is one of the reasons that bike riding is often associated with erectile dysfunction.**

You should also consider exercising your kegel muscles if you are experiencing

BPH (enlarged prostate). The over stress on the bladder leads to leakage after urination

and of course what fixes that?! Kegels to the rescue!! These stronger muscles will prevent that

leakage.

Luckily, it is super simple to avoid the above issues by working out

the PC muscle group regularly. The problem is - So many men don't have a clue

of the importance of this issue. Hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of men will never hear

this helpful info that should be common knowledge until it's far too late and they are going to

the doctor to discuss the issues that they are having (and most likely have had for some time).

Even so, it is easy to start at any time.

How do I do my kegel exercises?

The great thing about kegel exercises as they are probably the easiest exercise to do because you
don't have to go anywhere to do it, you don't have to join a gym, you can do it anywhere and
anytime and nobody will ever know you are doing it! They are quick and easy to do as well.
The only trick for a beginner is exercising the proper muscles.

To find the right spot, simply cut the flow (or try to) while urinating.
**Do not use this method TO exercise, just to locate these muscles!**
While stopping your urine flow you should feel the muscles contracting at the base of the
penis and to a little above the anus at the perinium, some people call this area the "taint".
You can also find this muscle by contracting and making your penis move.

If you aren't sure if you have located the right spot, please don't be afraid to ask
your doctor - you can use Biofeedback to learn the proper muscles to use, he/she will insert
a small tool in to the anus (super small - it won't hurt!) and as you flex it will tell you if you are flexing
the right spot and at what pressure. It is super neat because you can get that checked at the
beginning, then further down the road go back and see how much stronger of a flex you have.

While women have all of these fancy products to help them with their kegelling,
men don't have much. I have seen a few contraptions that are massive and expensive
but they are not needed.

Once you have located the proper area, flex and hold for a count of 5 seconds, then release and relax 

completely for another 5 seconds. Perform 10 of these cycles 4 times a day - every other day. 

Each week, up the count of your reps in each cycle by 3 (so then 13 pumps 4X / day) as with any exercise 

routine.

You may find this very difficult to do at first, especially if  your muscles are quite

atrophied. Don't fear though, still work on it and start with holding for 3 seconds instead of 5.

The PC muscles respond quickly, so with continuing work you will notice improvement definitely.

Do not over do it. The method above is perfect and from the many many expert articles out there this 

is what the majority recommend. Over exercising is not helpful and can actually cause adverse effects so just do the proper exercising routine and methods above and you will achieve amazing results!

To be successful, it is important to be consistent with your exercise routine and not to give up. 

Try to find the same time to do these exercises every day or two. Do it in the shower, do it during

your drive to work. Try to make it your routine.

You should notice a change within about 4 weeks but may take up to 8 - 20 weeks of work depending on how atrophied your PC muscles are to notice a large change and to actually delay ejaculation as I am about to share how below.

You will notice a change in blood flow, erection firmness and no more leakage and prevention of these difficulties.

Using Kegels to Delay Ejaculation

Once your sex muscle has gained strength and you can hold a strong kegel for 10 seconds or more
you can try to delay ejaculation with a little known technique that works quite well with strong kegels.
Here's how:

~ When you are about to orgasm, once you hit the point of no return - the point when semen has started          moving through the penis and ejaculation is inevitable - do a kegel.

~ Hold the contraction roughly 10 seconds or more.

~ After the urge to ejaculate has subsided, release the squeeze.

This may take a few tries but works wonderfully once those muscles are worked strong. 

With all of the benefits in this article, the amount of pleasure doing your kegels can bring

and the embarrassment and undue stress not doing them can cause this should all

be common knowledge. I hope you will work on this and tell your friends!!

You could always point them to Sexy U if you don't want to get explicit or personal.

I hope I've helped inform you and I would love to hear your results! 

Ask Me Monday #4

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

"I dont last as long as I used to. I have a very high sex drive and am ready to

go anytime. I am wondering what you can suggest to help me not arrive so quickly.

I'm not saying that I'm a 2 minute man or anything but I's like to last longer than I do.

Also, does my jerking off affect how long I last in bed? Is there such a thing as jerking off too much and is it affecting me in a bad way?"

Great topic :) 

First off I would like to reassure you that getting yourself off is not

bad for you at all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it at all and

it will not affect you in a bad way. The only times it will affect you in a bad way is if it

is actually affecting your life doing it so much where you can get

in to trouble with other people or if your partner doesn't understand your needs and it 

affects your relationship in a bad way. These are completely different

issues though and doesn't sound like those are an issue for you - they

would be a whole other topic. 

The only way that getting yourself off will change any difference in the length 

of time you last in bed is if you do it soon before sex. 

There are a few ways to help prolong yourself in the sack and one of the

ways is, depending on your recovery time (the time it takes after you have an orgasm

to the time you can get hard again - this time varies from person to person), 

lets say for example, you can't get it up for 15 minutes after you blow a load.

If you were to jack off 15 minutes before you were to have sex with your partner

you should actually prolong your time in bed with her. I'm not sure if you have tried

this, but try it - whatever your recovery time is, go jack off before sex and 

see how much of a difference that makes. It should help a bit anyways.

Jacking off really wont affect your time with your partner in any 

negative way, so no need to worry about that.

Another fact to consider is that women naturally take longer than men

to orgasm. In most cases much much longer! 

This is just how it is and it is totally natural. I have a lot of women tell me that 

they just cant orgasm with their partner but a lot of the time the issue isn't that 

they cant, they just don't spend the required time, he gets off and she 

feels too pressured (whether it's him pressuring her or all in her head) and then it's over. 

This is going to get a little explicit here in a moment...

Knowing the fact that that is just the way it is, there are many natural ways

to prolong yourself while helping her at the same time. Everyone is unique 

in the time it takes so this will vary from person to person.

For example, lets say it takes 15 minutes for her to have an orgasm but only 5 minutes

for you. You must start with foreplay. This is an absolute must if you would

like to speed her up and slow you down. 

If you don't have a vibrator - get one. Sometimes it takes a few to find one

that she really likes but it's worth it when you find it! 

Start with her. 

You know best in what she likes. Use the vibrator on her to get her going

and then eat her out a little to get her nice and further along. If she doesn't like

that then use your hands. Kiss her all over, some women love their nipplles and breasts played with - Just play with her and get her going.

It will get her a lot closer than just diving in to sex because if you do, you are

going to get off and she isn't. That is when sex gets boring and issues start to happen.

We don't want that! 

If she ends up getting close - stop. Don't let her orgasm yet. 

Give her half a minute (if needed) and then start penetration. If you feel like you are going to come to orgasm and don't want to yet a little trick is to change positions.

That will give you a few moments to hold off. Each time you feel like you are getting really close you can either hold off by changing positions or pulling out and focusing on her by doing anything - eat her out, finger her or use a toy on her, play with her breasts or 

whatever. The best sex is playful, adventurous and uses different positions and techniques anyways - she's not going to know that you are secretly trying to prolong 

yourself, and not only are you doing that but you are making it fun and different.

The possibilities of the things that you can do to prolong your orgasm by stopping

and doing something else are endless. There are so many fun things to

do together in bed! Also, by stopping your orgasm - when you do actually blow your 

load it will make it that much stronger.

There are a few other things that you can do as well to prolong yourself in bed.

Have you ever tried a penis sleeve?

This is one of the many, many types of penis sleeves around. You can get 

them very textured, nice and smooth, with extention bits on the end to make 

you "longer" and there are also lifelike sleeves as well.

Sleeves serve two purposes. Not only are they a nice feeling for her (each woman

has her own preferences - some wont like textured, some women are short inside and longer causes pain and so on. It is important to know what she likes through 

good communication or bring her with you while shopping). Try to find one 

like the one in the photo above that has a band to anchor around the testicles. 

They are a bit tight but very stretchy.

Sleeves also do something for the man as well. Because there is such a thick barrier

it will make it so that you feel less. You will feel a bit more by adding lubricant to the inside of the sleeve but if you do that make sure that you do choose one with the band that goes around the testicles so it doesn't slip off being slippery.

This will definitely help to prolong you by feeling less and it will help her with extra sensations as well. This is a good option to try as they aren't too expensive 

(yet they CAN be) and it's always fun to try new things together as well. 

The sleeves aren't just for your penis either - Use them on an insertible toy to switch up the texture. A toy that she didn't like before because it was too hard may

turn in to a favorite with a sleeve.

Another product used for prolonging is called a "desensitizer".

Desensitizers come in a few different forms, they can be creams, balms

or sprays and they have a numbing agent called "lidocaine". 

Basically these take away some of the sensation so that you don't feel as much

in turn, lasting longer. Using desensitizing agents is best used with 

condoms as you will be defeating the purpose if it rubs off on to her, she lasts 

long already as it is! However, the sprays will dry quickly and are 

recommended because of that reason if you are not using condoms. 

So those are the most common ways of prolonging orgasms for men and 

should help you - especially the switching things up bit when you start to get close. 

Also - don't be discouraged by this, 75% of all men say that they orgasm too quickly.

There's no reason that you have to stop after you blow a load either.

Surprise her - If you get off far too soon, just pull out and work on her!

It's only a matter of time before you can go again! There's no 

"One orgasm rule" here. Just because you cum doesn't mean it's a done deal. 

It only means (depending on the man) that you wont have an erection for how ever

long your recovery time lasts. You can do so much in bed with her until you can go again.

Anyways, I hope I've helped and gave you a few good things to try!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please do leave a comment! I love to hear your opinions, 

suggestions and anything else you have to say. 

If you have a question that you would like answered next Monday, 

just inbox it to the Sexy U Facebook page or use the 

anonymous Ask Me Monday form on the main page of the Sexy U website Here