Ask Me Monday #9 - Penis Size?

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder when you can

simply ask a professional Sex & Intimacy Coach?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question:

I was wondering if bigger really is better when it comes to penis size....

Working at Doctor Love & other adult stores, what was the

most common sized toys that women purchased?

Is it true that the bigger the penis the better?

Thanks!

This is such a common question and one that has been a real issue for men for

ages. Many women will send their men to the adult store for a new toy and

when they get there, they see the massive selection and wonder - Do I go bigger

or do I go smaller?? 

Many men wonder if their size is adequate enough. 

Truth is.... Every woman is different in what they like. Just as many men 

prefer nice, small perky breasts and others like BIG boobies! 

I have spoken to literally hundred's of women on this topic and the straight

up truth is: It depends on the lady. Some like it shorter & thicker, some like it longer and 

thinner and really everything in between.

Take me for example - this is my honest truth.....

I cannot stand a big dick. I have an end. If you hit the end and ram my cervix

pleasure turns in to pain and no longer pleasurable at all. I can hardly wait for it to be over.

I have literally broken up with 

someone when I was younger for an uncomfortably large dick. I have met countless women

that would love to have a longer penis but it depends on the size of your vagina really.

Other factors include ovarian cysts and a tilted uterus. These conditions (I happen to

have both....) drastically affect the penis size that one can handle.

I have met many others - I've had quite a few women come in to the shop

asking if we sell "bumpers". A bumper is similar to a cock ring (but much thicker) that goes on the base of the penis so that he cannot go all the way in. 

On the other hand I have sold countless penis extentions and thickeners.

The most important part regardless of penis size of course IS the motion of the ocean!

In most positions the penis isn't going to touch the G spot anyways, the biggest trick is

to stimulate the clitoris on the outside with the pubic bone. Once you have that down, no

matter what the size you're golden! But all men are different here also.... A thinner guy will have a more prominent pubic bone - better to hit the clit with. Bigger men may have a layer of fat or muscle there blocking that very useful bone. For this issue I highly suggest vibrating cock rings. 

You can also use it turned off if you dont like vibration but like the pressure of something right  where it counts.

Please do not get the disposable type - they are far too flimsy, dont last long and also

the actual vibrating bullet is so small, that isn't going to touch the clit - especially in specific positions.

I have recommended vibing cock rings to many women but after trying the 

disposable type they are turned right off of them.

Give them another chance!! Get a good quality cock ring with a much larger surface area.

That way no matter what position you are in, no matter if his penis is big or small or

if his pubic bone is prominent or buried deep - that vibe will stimulate

right where it should. This is an example of a good vibing cockring:

Note how it's vertical rather than horizontal - this will hit the spot no matter what ;)

If you already have a bullet at home, whether it be corded or not - you can get these very

inexpensive cock ring accessories - Doctor Love & Hemp City carries all of them.

There are different styles but I do suggest going for bigger surface area.

Unfortunately most men have been raised with hearing and thinking that bigger is better.

Sure, some women like big but definitely not all of us! 

There have been many many studies on penis size and the absolute average size

is 5.5" erect. Lifestyles Condoms brand did an actual study where every man was measured by a nurse to exclude exaggeration & measuring mistakes.

I'm not proud of the amount of men I've slept with and I'm not going to give you a # either.... but 5.5" does sound about average. I have slept with many smaller penises and a few up to 10" (ouch!) as well. It comes down to the motion, how well you are at other things - hey - it's not all sex! Is he good with his fingers? His tongue? That is really important. 

I think that what women unanimously agree on over size though is HYGIENE! 

If you have poor hygiene, smell unclean etc - we dont care what your penis size is...

that's just gross. Turn off - right now. You want to put that stinky thing where? In my mouth? *GAG. This is where something comes up and she's got to go.

Most likely it's not your penis size - it's lack of good hygiene.

No matter what, no matter your size, if you are unable to shower before meeting up

or if you have been on an amazing day long date and it's getting late and things are starting to heat up - go to the washroom and WASH UP! It takes a quick couple of seconds to 

be sure she is going to be happy about her decision - trust me on this - especially if you are uncircumcised, you know what I'm talkin about.....

And ladies - you know you should do the same!

As for the size of toys that most commonly are bought - I would have to say smaller.

But when a woman is getting herself off it's quite a bit different - we know exactly what to do and how to do it. Men are the same. Nobody can get you off quite like yourself!

I hope I answered your question!

If you have a question to do with sex/intimacy just ASK!

Instructions & links are at the top of this article.

Ask Me Monday #8 - Fisting?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I left Doctor Love - Classes still there though!

Most people know by now that I have decided to leave Doctor Love & Hemp City.

There was a short time there that I knew I was continuing on with Sexy U, but

wasn't sure if classes would still be held there, if I was going to have to find a different venue,

or to just stick with private home party style classes.

After much thinking and discussion we have decided to continue classes at Doctor Love & Hemp City

in Mission. I do like the venue and feel very comfortable there so I am happy that

I will continue on hosting Sexy U's classes & seminars there.

Do keep in mind that I am still available for private classes with a minimum of 6 guests 

in the privacy and comfort of your own home - those are super fun!

Now that the venue is solid I have made up the Group Class Calendar schedule

for the next three classes.

All classes are $20 / seat or $35 / couple 

Includes the class, a door prize for one lucky student, discounts for ALL on the

eve of the class, resources & hand outs to take home as well.

Get your tickets at Doctor Love & Hemp City (MAP)

Tickets are by pre-registration only - No tickets will be available at the door.

Seats are very limited and sell out fast!

For class descriptions and further info please have a look at the 

Official Group Class Calendar 

Next classes are as follows:

Bondage For Beginners

Sunday, November 3rd 7pm - 9pm

Swinging, Poly & Open Relationship Dynamics

Sunday, November 17th 7pm - 8:15pm

Backdoor Playground: 

The Ins & Outs of Anal Play

Sunday, December 1st 7pm - 8:30pm

I'm super excited for these classes, I hope you are too!

~ See You In Class ~

Big Life Changes...

I must apologize for the lack of fun posts and articles from me over the past

2 weeks.... I am changing a big part of my life - Doing a bit of an overhaul I guess 

you could say! I will announce my changes next week once the people it affects

directly knows first. I can't tell the public quite yet.

All in due time - Next week!

I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely have not forgotten about you all

and have lots of fun planned for Sexy U coming up!

Stay tuned for what's up!

Ask Me Monday #7

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder when you can

simply ask a professional Sex & Intimacy Coach?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

I would like to start off with an apology - Last week's Ask Me Monday was

non exsistant. Since I run 3 businesses of my own (& on my own) plus work part time and the fact that

I am awful with time management things just caught up with me!

It happens I guess - I try pretty hard to keep it all going smoothly! 

I have been working on a few custom orders for my 

other business I Made Creations that will be going to Europe, which is pretty 

exciting for me. I am pretty close to caught up now and should be back on the ball!

Thanks for your patience everyone :)

This week's question is:

So I've heard that if you get a small tear or cut in the anus,

it won't heal because of the moist and dark environment. 

Fact or fiction?

Great question!

The lining inside of the bum is quite different than skin. It is also quite different 
than the lining inside of the vagina.

Directly beyond the anus - literally right  where your asshole closes, 
your skin changes in to a specialized lining called the anoderm.
The anoderm is very thin and unlike skin it has no hairs, sweat glands or oil glands
and it contains a very large amount of sensory nerves that sense light
touch and pain. 
This explains why it is oh-so-sensitive when we try
any sort of playing down there. We literally feel far more there than any other part 
of our body. We do cut and lightly damage ourselves there more than a few times in our lives with hard craps or repeated diarrhea. 
On occasion, rectal thermometers, enema tips, endoscopes and 
quite commonly childbirth will cause tearing and some damage, along with 
fingernails and other anal play.

Anal wounds in moderation (small cuts & tears) will have no problem in
healing at all however, there are a few things that will help healing to be faster.
Like I had mentioned in the Importance of Kegel Exercising Post, 
with atrophied muscles (since the PC muscle group spans from the pubic bone in the front all the way past the butt to the very base of the spine) you will have decreased blood flow.
Decreased blood flow will prevent quick healing to any area down below - including
in and around the anus.  The more you do your kegels, the more you promote
blood flow and healing - just another big reason to work on those kegels!!

It is quite the myth that inside the bum you wont heal well because of the darkness 
and dampness. For example - The fastest healing area of your body is inside
your mouth - another damp and dark place. 

The main issue with a cut or tear in this area is due to lack of blood flow.
Practicing your kegels & avoiding tightening the sphincter will help - some
people naturally tighten their sphincter when they feel pain and that is a huge
problem - just like a cut on a knuckle of the finger and then bending it, it
opens back up. Being as relaxed as possible will help promote healing. 

On the other hand of course, the ass is filled with all sorts of good and bad bacterias.
Some people insist on using an enema before anal play to ensure a clean
play session however, using an enema not only cleanses out the bad bacteria & poop
but also the good bacteria & flora needed to promote healing. People that
use enemas regularly tend to get more infections and have issues with healing,
I dont recommend using an enema for that reason. 

If you do get an uncomfortable cut, tear, anal fissure, epesiotomy or hemorrhoids:
  a good way to promote faster healing is using a sitz bath. A sitz bath is a small
round tub that you fill with a few inches of water 20 minutes, 2-3 times per day.
Alternating between cold & warm you can add a small amount of salt, baking soda
or vinegar. This helps to keep the area clean and to promote more blood flow for
faster healing. They are soothing as well.
Alternatively you can just fill the bath a few inches.

I hope that helps answering your question, dont worry - a bum cut will
heal just fine as long as it's not too severe. 

Next Class: Bondage for Beginners!

Next Class Has Been Scheduled!

"Bondage for Beginners"

Will be held at Doctor Love & Hemp City in Mission, BC

Thursday, September 12th

7:00pm - Approx. 9:00pm

$15/seat or $25/couple Cash Only 

Because of limited seating and the high demand

for this class you must pre-register - tickets are available

at Doctor Love & Hemp City

Class Description:

Have you been curious about bondage but not sure if it's for you?

Maybe your partner has confronted you with a fantasy and you are unsure of

what it entails? Maybe it's your fantasy?

This is a great glass for anyone curious about BDSM or wanting to expand their knowledge.

In this class you will learn what BDSM really is, how to add it in to your relationship/s,

safety procedures for all types of play, the importance of communication, knowing your limits

and using safewords & signals, learning how to properly spank, flog, learn the basics of wax play,

some basic rope work knowledge that you can use in your own scenes and many

more tips & techniques with different implements - some that you already have in your own home! 

Tons of product demos on a lucky volunteer and so much more - A lot of 

hands on in this class with a lot of new knowledge to take home & practice with!!

This class will be roughly 2 hours long, handouts & door prizes will be provided and

Doctor Love is generously giving 15% off to all ticket holders the eve of the class if you

choose to use it.

(Please enquire in store to any restrictions or limitations on the discount)

I hope to see you in class!

If you have any questions please feel free to contact me via Sexy U's Facebook page,

or through the contact tab of the Official Sexy U Website

Come on in and register today to ensure your seat!!

If you dont know where Doctor Love is located there is a map HERE

Ask Me Monday #6

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder when you can

simply ask a professional Sex & Intimacy Coach?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

Will you be doing a class about candle wax play?

What kinds of candles to use, safety, etc....

At the moment I don't have a plan in place for a class specifically on wax play, 

however in the Bondage for Beginners class coming up on September 12th 

we will be talking about wax play a bit - even with a couple of 

different waxes that Doctor Love has in store that you will be able to feel if you like!

There will be quite a few different demos in the Bondage for Beginners class.

I'm sure that other people that are unable to come to the class are curious about this as well, so I will do an in depth post about candle wax play for you right here, right now!

Many people enjoy adding wax play to their play time and it can be a very sensual and fun thing to do, provided you know the safety procedures and things to watch out for.

I'm so glad that you asked rather than have a bad experience and swearing off of wax play like I did many years ago - Since then I have learned so much and have been lucky to meet some great play partners over the years to teach me the ins and outs of wax play. I'm no longer turned off of it and add it in to our sensation play once in a while :)

The mistake I had made back in the day when I was young & naive was to go to the dollar store and get some pretty colored candles. I also wanted them to smell pretty too because my frame of mind was that with a blindfold on I could not only feel the wax with the anticipation of not seeing what was going on but to smell it also. BAD IDEA.

I was blistered, and the moment was not sexy and fun!! 

Most people (I would hope) would test it on their skin first.... I will get to the safety part further down the page though. But like I said - Young and naive!!

Some people are sadists and masochists (love giving or receiving pain) to varying degrees. Some like it much harsher than others of course so some of this info will depend on how painful you want it to be. 

As with any type of scene or play, communication is crucial to have a mutually pleasurable experience. It is especially important when playing with wax or anything that could potentially cause harm either physically or mentally. Talking to your partner before hand about your limits and expectations, safewords and knowing their physical body language and being completely honest if you discover that something isn't pleasurable is so important to ensure a great and safe time for all involved.

Important tidbits of waxy information:

The size of the candle, the ingredients and how far or how close to the skin you drip or pour it from will all vary the experience. 

Many different candles have different melting points and you definitely want to choose a wax with a lower melting temperature.

Paraffin wax is the best type of wax to use for wax play as it has the lowest melting point of around 120 degrees.

Votive candles melt at around 135 degrees, taper candles around 140 degrees or higher and the absolute worst form of wax to use for this type of play is beeswax - beeswax is extremely hot and melts at around 145 degrees or higher and it will burn!

There is another type of candle meant to be used on the body called a massage candle. These candles are made from hemp & soy and are totally safe to use on the body. These are not meant for pain though or great sensation play - they burn warm, not hot and are meant to be used for sensual massage. 

The melting point is very low at only 2 degrees warmer than your body temperature so it isn't great to be used for wax play since it's not hot at all. 

It is nice for warm massages though and it doesn't at all flake or harden like regular wax - It literally massages right in to the skin like a nice cream, leaving the skin silky soft & smooth. I love these in the winter :)

These are generally quite a bit more expensive than other types of candles

and are often flavored and/or scented. Because of the super low melting temp

its quite alright for fragrances in this case.

Ingredients such as fragrances (except for in massage candles), color and stearic acid (just look at the ingredients list on the candle or packaging) may cause irritation and burns as they highten the melting point temperature.

Something else that will help to reduce burns or irritations will be to hold the candle at least 18 inches above the body. By the time it hits the skin it will have lowered the temp a small amount. The closer to the body that you drip from, the hotter it will be - Always start higher.

The size of a candle will also make a bit of a difference. Long, thin taper candles or Sabbath candles will provide single drips, while larger, wider candles will be able to pool up so you can actually pour out a larger amount at a time. This is much more intense than small drips. It's great to grab a few different sizes and start with a taper while slowly working your way to large pools.

You can find paraffin wax candles at Dollar Stores for a decent price, just be sure that it is JUST paraffin. 

Something that is great fun is to make your own candles too - Paraffin is what people use when canning, it's that time of year right now so you will be able to find paraffin for canning at most grocery stores for a decent price. 

This way you can experiment by making candles of different sizes, I find it a lovely experience to have a few different sizes by your side when enjoying wax play since different sizes create different effects.

Start with a taper just dripping from way up high at first and then work your way to a pool from a wider candle.

You can also use a hot plate or a crock pot to heat large quantities of wax! This way you can make penis molds, spread wax using a ladle and use large quantities of melted wax at a time. If you do this, be sure that you have already used this exact wax in smaller quantities so that you know it's effects on the body.

Safety:

No matter what you are using be sure to test the wax on your skin before using it on your partner to ensure that it isn't too hot. I also suggest the bottom or sub to test one drip before being covered with it to be sure they arent too irritated. Some are much more sensitive than others, so it's always a good idea to test an area of skin first.

If using or heating large quantities of wax at a time, be sure to use a candy thermometer to keep the temperature at 120 degrees or lower. This will prevent burns and is very important.

Avoid waxing the face and head as these are obviously risky areas to have near open flame. Hot wax can permanently damage the eyes and would be insanely painful as well. 

Also, stay away from any hairy areas - wax is extremely awful and can be very painful to remove from the hair. 

Be sure to use drop cloth under your submissive to avoid ruining any surfaces. I recommend a non porous drop cloth (I LOVE dollar store shower curtains - they are useful for countless situations and you can throw them out afterwards! Definitely good to have a few kicking around). Using a non porous drop cloth will prevent the wax from soaking through to the floor.

Be sure that it is quite large - wax can be quite splattery, especially when dropping it from so high.

Remove any obvious fire hazards from the immediate play space and of course do not leave candles burning unattended! Blow them out before you excitedly leave the room!

Anywhere else on the body besides hairy areas & the head are good to go for wax play. 

Remember to communicate, play safe and choose your candles carefully.

You can find paraffin wax almost anywhere - just double check the ingredients 

and most adult stores carry massage candles and candles meant for wax play as well.

We carry them both at Doctor Love here in Mission.

I hope I answered your question! Please let me know if I missed something or you are curious about anything in this topic via message or feel free to comment on this post! 

I love comments!

Until next time,

Dana