Ask Me Monday #8 - Fisting?

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I left Doctor Love - Classes still there though!

Most people know by now that I have decided to leave Doctor Love & Hemp City.

There was a short time there that I knew I was continuing on with Sexy U, but

wasn't sure if classes would still be held there, if I was going to have to find a different venue,

or to just stick with private home party style classes.

After much thinking and discussion we have decided to continue classes at Doctor Love & Hemp City

in Mission. I do like the venue and feel very comfortable there so I am happy that

I will continue on hosting Sexy U's classes & seminars there.

Do keep in mind that I am still available for private classes with a minimum of 6 guests 

in the privacy and comfort of your own home - those are super fun!

Now that the venue is solid I have made up the Group Class Calendar schedule

for the next three classes.

All classes are $20 / seat or $35 / couple 

Includes the class, a door prize for one lucky student, discounts for ALL on the

eve of the class, resources & hand outs to take home as well.

Get your tickets at Doctor Love & Hemp City (MAP)

Tickets are by pre-registration only - No tickets will be available at the door.

Seats are very limited and sell out fast!

For class descriptions and further info please have a look at the 

Official Group Class Calendar 

Next classes are as follows:

Bondage For Beginners

Sunday, November 3rd 7pm - 9pm

Swinging, Poly & Open Relationship Dynamics

Sunday, November 17th 7pm - 8:15pm

Backdoor Playground: 

The Ins & Outs of Anal Play

Sunday, December 1st 7pm - 8:30pm

I'm super excited for these classes, I hope you are too!

~ See You In Class ~

Big Life Changes...

I must apologize for the lack of fun posts and articles from me over the past

2 weeks.... I am changing a big part of my life - Doing a bit of an overhaul I guess 

you could say! I will announce my changes next week once the people it affects

directly knows first. I can't tell the public quite yet.

All in due time - Next week!

I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely have not forgotten about you all

and have lots of fun planned for Sexy U coming up!

Stay tuned for what's up!

Ask Me Monday #7

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder when you can

simply ask a professional Sex & Intimacy Coach?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

I would like to start off with an apology - Last week's Ask Me Monday was

non exsistant. Since I run 3 businesses of my own (& on my own) plus work part time and the fact that

I am awful with time management things just caught up with me!

It happens I guess - I try pretty hard to keep it all going smoothly! 

I have been working on a few custom orders for my 

other business I Made Creations that will be going to Europe, which is pretty 

exciting for me. I am pretty close to caught up now and should be back on the ball!

Thanks for your patience everyone :)

This week's question is:

So I've heard that if you get a small tear or cut in the anus,

it won't heal because of the moist and dark environment. 

Fact or fiction?

Great question!

The lining inside of the bum is quite different than skin. It is also quite different 
than the lining inside of the vagina.

Directly beyond the anus - literally right  where your asshole closes, 
your skin changes in to a specialized lining called the anoderm.
The anoderm is very thin and unlike skin it has no hairs, sweat glands or oil glands
and it contains a very large amount of sensory nerves that sense light
touch and pain. 
This explains why it is oh-so-sensitive when we try
any sort of playing down there. We literally feel far more there than any other part 
of our body. We do cut and lightly damage ourselves there more than a few times in our lives with hard craps or repeated diarrhea. 
On occasion, rectal thermometers, enema tips, endoscopes and 
quite commonly childbirth will cause tearing and some damage, along with 
fingernails and other anal play.

Anal wounds in moderation (small cuts & tears) will have no problem in
healing at all however, there are a few things that will help healing to be faster.
Like I had mentioned in the Importance of Kegel Exercising Post, 
with atrophied muscles (since the PC muscle group spans from the pubic bone in the front all the way past the butt to the very base of the spine) you will have decreased blood flow.
Decreased blood flow will prevent quick healing to any area down below - including
in and around the anus.  The more you do your kegels, the more you promote
blood flow and healing - just another big reason to work on those kegels!!

It is quite the myth that inside the bum you wont heal well because of the darkness 
and dampness. For example - The fastest healing area of your body is inside
your mouth - another damp and dark place. 

The main issue with a cut or tear in this area is due to lack of blood flow.
Practicing your kegels & avoiding tightening the sphincter will help - some
people naturally tighten their sphincter when they feel pain and that is a huge
problem - just like a cut on a knuckle of the finger and then bending it, it
opens back up. Being as relaxed as possible will help promote healing. 

On the other hand of course, the ass is filled with all sorts of good and bad bacterias.
Some people insist on using an enema before anal play to ensure a clean
play session however, using an enema not only cleanses out the bad bacteria & poop
but also the good bacteria & flora needed to promote healing. People that
use enemas regularly tend to get more infections and have issues with healing,
I dont recommend using an enema for that reason. 

If you do get an uncomfortable cut, tear, anal fissure, epesiotomy or hemorrhoids:
  a good way to promote faster healing is using a sitz bath. A sitz bath is a small
round tub that you fill with a few inches of water 20 minutes, 2-3 times per day.
Alternating between cold & warm you can add a small amount of salt, baking soda
or vinegar. This helps to keep the area clean and to promote more blood flow for
faster healing. They are soothing as well.
Alternatively you can just fill the bath a few inches.

I hope that helps answering your question, dont worry - a bum cut will
heal just fine as long as it's not too severe. 

Next Class: Bondage for Beginners!

Next Class Has Been Scheduled!

"Bondage for Beginners"

Will be held at Doctor Love & Hemp City in Mission, BC

Thursday, September 12th

7:00pm - Approx. 9:00pm

$15/seat or $25/couple Cash Only 

Because of limited seating and the high demand

for this class you must pre-register - tickets are available

at Doctor Love & Hemp City

Class Description:

Have you been curious about bondage but not sure if it's for you?

Maybe your partner has confronted you with a fantasy and you are unsure of

what it entails? Maybe it's your fantasy?

This is a great glass for anyone curious about BDSM or wanting to expand their knowledge.

In this class you will learn what BDSM really is, how to add it in to your relationship/s,

safety procedures for all types of play, the importance of communication, knowing your limits

and using safewords & signals, learning how to properly spank, flog, learn the basics of wax play,

some basic rope work knowledge that you can use in your own scenes and many

more tips & techniques with different implements - some that you already have in your own home! 

Tons of product demos on a lucky volunteer and so much more - A lot of 

hands on in this class with a lot of new knowledge to take home & practice with!!

This class will be roughly 2 hours long, handouts & door prizes will be provided and

Doctor Love is generously giving 15% off to all ticket holders the eve of the class if you

choose to use it.

(Please enquire in store to any restrictions or limitations on the discount)

I hope to see you in class!

If you have any questions please feel free to contact me via Sexy U's Facebook page,

or through the contact tab of the Official Sexy U Website

Come on in and register today to ensure your seat!!

If you dont know where Doctor Love is located there is a map HERE

Ask Me Monday #6

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder when you can

simply ask a professional Sex & Intimacy Coach?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

Will you be doing a class about candle wax play?

What kinds of candles to use, safety, etc....

At the moment I don't have a plan in place for a class specifically on wax play, 

however in the Bondage for Beginners class coming up on September 12th 

we will be talking about wax play a bit - even with a couple of 

different waxes that Doctor Love has in store that you will be able to feel if you like!

There will be quite a few different demos in the Bondage for Beginners class.

I'm sure that other people that are unable to come to the class are curious about this as well, so I will do an in depth post about candle wax play for you right here, right now!

Many people enjoy adding wax play to their play time and it can be a very sensual and fun thing to do, provided you know the safety procedures and things to watch out for.

I'm so glad that you asked rather than have a bad experience and swearing off of wax play like I did many years ago - Since then I have learned so much and have been lucky to meet some great play partners over the years to teach me the ins and outs of wax play. I'm no longer turned off of it and add it in to our sensation play once in a while :)

The mistake I had made back in the day when I was young & naive was to go to the dollar store and get some pretty colored candles. I also wanted them to smell pretty too because my frame of mind was that with a blindfold on I could not only feel the wax with the anticipation of not seeing what was going on but to smell it also. BAD IDEA.

I was blistered, and the moment was not sexy and fun!! 

Most people (I would hope) would test it on their skin first.... I will get to the safety part further down the page though. But like I said - Young and naive!!

Some people are sadists and masochists (love giving or receiving pain) to varying degrees. Some like it much harsher than others of course so some of this info will depend on how painful you want it to be. 

As with any type of scene or play, communication is crucial to have a mutually pleasurable experience. It is especially important when playing with wax or anything that could potentially cause harm either physically or mentally. Talking to your partner before hand about your limits and expectations, safewords and knowing their physical body language and being completely honest if you discover that something isn't pleasurable is so important to ensure a great and safe time for all involved.

Important tidbits of waxy information:

The size of the candle, the ingredients and how far or how close to the skin you drip or pour it from will all vary the experience. 

Many different candles have different melting points and you definitely want to choose a wax with a lower melting temperature.

Paraffin wax is the best type of wax to use for wax play as it has the lowest melting point of around 120 degrees.

Votive candles melt at around 135 degrees, taper candles around 140 degrees or higher and the absolute worst form of wax to use for this type of play is beeswax - beeswax is extremely hot and melts at around 145 degrees or higher and it will burn!

There is another type of candle meant to be used on the body called a massage candle. These candles are made from hemp & soy and are totally safe to use on the body. These are not meant for pain though or great sensation play - they burn warm, not hot and are meant to be used for sensual massage. 

The melting point is very low at only 2 degrees warmer than your body temperature so it isn't great to be used for wax play since it's not hot at all. 

It is nice for warm massages though and it doesn't at all flake or harden like regular wax - It literally massages right in to the skin like a nice cream, leaving the skin silky soft & smooth. I love these in the winter :)

These are generally quite a bit more expensive than other types of candles

and are often flavored and/or scented. Because of the super low melting temp

its quite alright for fragrances in this case.

Ingredients such as fragrances (except for in massage candles), color and stearic acid (just look at the ingredients list on the candle or packaging) may cause irritation and burns as they highten the melting point temperature.

Something else that will help to reduce burns or irritations will be to hold the candle at least 18 inches above the body. By the time it hits the skin it will have lowered the temp a small amount. The closer to the body that you drip from, the hotter it will be - Always start higher.

The size of a candle will also make a bit of a difference. Long, thin taper candles or Sabbath candles will provide single drips, while larger, wider candles will be able to pool up so you can actually pour out a larger amount at a time. This is much more intense than small drips. It's great to grab a few different sizes and start with a taper while slowly working your way to large pools.

You can find paraffin wax candles at Dollar Stores for a decent price, just be sure that it is JUST paraffin. 

Something that is great fun is to make your own candles too - Paraffin is what people use when canning, it's that time of year right now so you will be able to find paraffin for canning at most grocery stores for a decent price. 

This way you can experiment by making candles of different sizes, I find it a lovely experience to have a few different sizes by your side when enjoying wax play since different sizes create different effects.

Start with a taper just dripping from way up high at first and then work your way to a pool from a wider candle.

You can also use a hot plate or a crock pot to heat large quantities of wax! This way you can make penis molds, spread wax using a ladle and use large quantities of melted wax at a time. If you do this, be sure that you have already used this exact wax in smaller quantities so that you know it's effects on the body.

Safety:

No matter what you are using be sure to test the wax on your skin before using it on your partner to ensure that it isn't too hot. I also suggest the bottom or sub to test one drip before being covered with it to be sure they arent too irritated. Some are much more sensitive than others, so it's always a good idea to test an area of skin first.

If using or heating large quantities of wax at a time, be sure to use a candy thermometer to keep the temperature at 120 degrees or lower. This will prevent burns and is very important.

Avoid waxing the face and head as these are obviously risky areas to have near open flame. Hot wax can permanently damage the eyes and would be insanely painful as well. 

Also, stay away from any hairy areas - wax is extremely awful and can be very painful to remove from the hair. 

Be sure to use drop cloth under your submissive to avoid ruining any surfaces. I recommend a non porous drop cloth (I LOVE dollar store shower curtains - they are useful for countless situations and you can throw them out afterwards! Definitely good to have a few kicking around). Using a non porous drop cloth will prevent the wax from soaking through to the floor.

Be sure that it is quite large - wax can be quite splattery, especially when dropping it from so high.

Remove any obvious fire hazards from the immediate play space and of course do not leave candles burning unattended! Blow them out before you excitedly leave the room!

Anywhere else on the body besides hairy areas & the head are good to go for wax play. 

Remember to communicate, play safe and choose your candles carefully.

You can find paraffin wax almost anywhere - just double check the ingredients 

and most adult stores carry massage candles and candles meant for wax play as well.

We carry them both at Doctor Love here in Mission.

I hope I answered your question! Please let me know if I missed something or you are curious about anything in this topic via message or feel free to comment on this post! 

I love comments!

Until next time,

Dana

Strap On Sex - WHO.WHAT.WHERE.WHEN.WHY

Strap-On Sex!

They aren't just for 2 girls anymore!! There are many different reasons one would use 

a strap on - for every couple type - Learn about them here.

This will be a 2 part post. 

That's right, contrary to popular belief strap-ons can be used by men or women, gay, straight or bisexual for many different reasons and pleasures.

There are strap ons of different materials, hollow ones, solid ones, vibrating ones, non vibrating ones, gigantic ones, tiny "beginner" ones, and even "strapless" strap-ons too! Each type depends on the purpose and who is wearing it - but before I get in to the different types I will get in to WHAT a strap-on is.

This is what a standard strap-on looks like.

Fairly straightforward, a strap on is something one would wear to penetrate their partner. 

These are great for all kinds of couples. I will explain the many ways that different types of couples can use them.

Woman on Woman

Since of course women dont have a penis, why not strap on on to pleasure your partner?! This is very popular in lesbian & bisexual relationships since there is still the fulfillment of being penetrated and hitting the good 'ol G Spot as well. 

All types of strap-ons can be used woman/woman.

Many men have the fantasy of watching their lady with another woman - this is a great toy to bring to the

event!

Man on Woman

With all of the medications out there, the chemicals in our synthetic foods and the lack of knowledge that men need to to their kegels as well (read about that HERE), many many men are increasingly having problems either maintaining or getting an erection. 

A hollow strap on is a great way that a man may still pleasure his wife through penetration. Strap-ons for this purpose have a hollow middle so his penis can slip in and stay there while he has sex with her using the strap-on. They make some very real feeling ones nowadays!

For men that have premature ejaculation or just cum too quickly for their partner, a hollow strap on is a great way to prolong that. Since they are so thick, he isnt going to feel much through it helping him to last a lot longer. Some people find this beneficial. 

Another reason that a man might wear a strap on for his woman partner is if she wants to try something a bit bigger but still have the sex action with her partner - Also many men have the fantasy of using larger items to penetrate her with. Strap-ons make a great toy for straight couples! Using a toy but ultimately together.

In some D/s relationships (Dominant/submissive) some Domme women will lock up her partners penis in chastity while only allowing her to be pleasured by him with a strap-on, not allowing him to orgasm. This is called orgasm denial (there are many forms of it, this is just one).

Woman on Man

You may have read my last Ask Me Monday Post where a woman was concerned about her partner's confession that he loved being "pegged". Pegging is a very common way to play between partners - I sell strap-ons to hetero couples multiple times per week - every single week for this purpose. Since men have a spot very similar to the woman's G Spot (the prostate) in their ass, it is very pleasurable to be penetrated by his lady partner with a strap-on, especially a "g spot" or curved one.

Some women will only let a man have sex with her anally if she gets to do it to him first - Hey, we have the same bums! He's the one with the G Spot in it though....

Many men like the feeling of being dominated by a woman and that alone is a major turn on for some when their partner uses a strap-on on them. She may even make him suck it! The possibilities are endless.

Others enjoy "sissification" which is being dressed up like a woman for the evening and being treated and fucked like one too. Believe it or not this is a game that many straight men enjoy! So many people think that different acts make you "gay" but that is just not the case. Wanting to play these games with the opposite sex is not gay at all - It's just more games to play with your partner and have fun together. I have talked to and/or advised around 100 totally straight men that play these games, seriously!

Man on Man

Basically all of the same reasons above are the same reasons and ways to use a strap on with two men.

This is why strap-ons are a great toy for all types of couples - not just lesbians! 

We sell so many at Doctor Love & Hemp City (the adult shop I work in) that we carry about 20 different types.

Fun (and multi use) Strap-On Accessories

A great toy to add on to strap on play for every type of couple is a bullet & holster ( or a vibrating cock 

ring - please though, not the cheapo disposable ones - they suck!)

Tip:

Put the cock ring around the base of the strap on above the balls. (If your strap on has balls)

Place the vibrating bullet pointing upwards.

This way, everytime the strap on thrusts in, the small powerful vibrator with buzz right on your partner's clit every thrust! 

This is a very pleasurable addition and these can also be used on a penis or any other insertable vibrator to add some clitoral stimulation. 

These can also be used man/man. Simply twist the ring 180 degrees so that the vibrating bullet is pointing towards the floor for some ball buzzing stimulation every thrust!!

Tip:

You can add another bullet or take the one out of the cock ring and the person wearing the strap-on can insert it vaginally (with or without a cord) or anally (only with a cord!) so that the wearer is extra stimulated as well! 

Instead (or adding a 3rd), the person wearing the strap on can slip the bullet between the strap on & the clit! Holy stimulation!! Bullets are so wonderfully multi-functional - Can you tell I'm a fan?! I could do a massive post on JUST bullets - and I will!

Tip:

The amazing We-Vibe does it again! You can incorporate this amazingly versatile toy with ANY play - See my post all about it HERE. There are many ways to wear it and use it but as for strap on sex.....

Worn by a woman receiver she would have half inside up on her G Spot while the other half is clamped right up against the clit while she is being ahem..."worked" by the strap on. 

This thing has a motor on each side and is rechargeable - making it super strong! It can be worn one side vaginally & one side anally as well. It can also be worn by the strap-on wearer for stimulation. A great way for men to wear this vibrator is to put the smaller bulb in to the ass (resting right up on the prostate) while the other is pressed up and vibrating against the perenium (or "taint" as I like to call it). This would be extremely pleasurable whether worn by the strap on giver or receiver. 

One more way to use the We-Vibe with a strap on - use it similar as the bullet & holster above! 

If a strap on is being used on a woman, drape it over top "hanging" it on the dong of the strap on. This way each thrust will land vibrating on the labia. If being used on a man, drape it the same way and it will vibrate up and down his shaft each thrust, hitting his balls as well. Many more non strap on related uses for the We-Vibe Here.

                                  Tip:

Sleeves will change the texture, thickness and even 

length of your strap-on. They come in literally hundreds of styles. Some may not like the strap-on they have chosen because of the texture of it - getting a sleeve is a simple fix, rather than giving up or buying a whole new one.

Simply slip the sleeve over the shaft.

Some sleeves, like the one in the photo below will have a band that will stretch around the balls to

help keep it secure. 

As you can see, there are loads of ways to use and enhance play with a strap-on

for couples of all kinds. There are tons of little add ons to make it a bit different too.... 

Take your new knowledge and apply it to other toys too - All of the add ons above can be used with anything insertable: a penis, a vibrator, etc!

On late Sunday evening I will conclude this post looking closely at different types of 

strap-on materials, bands and how to choose the perfect one for you.

For now, I have a class tomorrow and will be at Doctor Love until then!

To be continued....