Ask Me Monday #5

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

I'm in need of some advice and I'm not sure what to do! 

My long term boyfriend that I love has just confessed to me that he likes something

really weird. We have been together a few years and I had no idea. He wants me to have sex with

him with a strap on!!! He said he has done it before and he loves it and wants me to do it

to him. Is he gay? What if he turns gay? I really dont want to do it at all. 

Help! What do I do?? 

First off, I'm so glad that you wrote in to ask me, I know from your end this must be

confusing and awkward but believe it or not many people have all sorts of fantasies, fetishes

and "different" sexual acts that they either are curious about or maybe tried and loved. 

First thing though - put what the actual fetish is itself aside for a moment.

Your partner has just told you something that obviously he has kept hidden away for quite

some time. I'm quite sure that it took a lot of thinking, worrying and putting it off before finally

coming out and telling you about this important piece of himself. A lot of people, both men and women are scared to tell their partners about their fetishes because they fear a bad and embarrassing reaction. This is a part of him that he has just trusted you with and is deeply hoping that you will be there for him in fulfilling it.

You may have thought everything was just peachy, with a great relationship and then all of the sudden out of nowhere you are slammed with this. You might feel hurt, misled, confused about why he wants to do such a thing. You have no clue about how to go about it and not sure if you even want to.

Understanding what a fetish is

Even though a fetish will vary from person to person, every fetish works the same. 

They all use the same mechanism - the object, act or material is connected to pleasure. 

Some objects that people have fetishes with include: Nylons, high heeled shoes, boots, feet, etc...

Acts: Pegging, anal sex, cross dressing, exhibitionism etc..

Materials: Silk, latex, leather, lace etc.... Literally anything can become a fetish.

Fetishes go on for ever and while some things will simply make someone aroused, others fantisize or have the greatest experiences ever when they are getting their fetish fantasies fulfilled.

Literally millions of people have fetishes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a fetish (provided it is legal and consentual) and there's nothing wrong with not having one either. 

This fetish he has told you about is a part of him and his sexuality just as much as him loving you is.

It's just another thing that makes him who he is and it's a part of his sexual nature. 

Trying to remove or supress that would be supressing his sexual nature when really, it could open up a whole new door to try new things and maybe even something that you might enjoy!

Remember that coming out with a fetish is never an easy thing for someone.  A lot of the time it could be something that he or she could be very ashamed about. Please be light with your reaction!

Communication is very important here. Ask questions - If you dont understand 
then do a little bit of research.

Dont just brush it off - give yourself time to come to grips with this and really decide if you are willing to give it a try. When you fully understand your partner's fetish it will be easier to make the decision in a fair way, whether you choose to give it a try or not.

It's not at all fair to him or your relationship as a whole to just up and say No when you havent even discussed, researched or given much thought to this desire of his.

If you cannot come to a compromise with you giving it a try and decide not to fulfill this sexual need of his, be honest. Have a discussion about how he can fulfill this need without involving you. It's crucial to your relationship that you respect your partners needs - even if you have decided to not take part in it. It is a part of who they are.

Many relationships end because of cheating - yes, I agree that cheating is bad whether it's about sex, money or hiding anything from the partner but for the most part people cheat because something isn't being fulfilled. Cheating is a deeper relationship issue that stems from another problem and it's best to avoid. 

Now that I've talked a bit about fetishes and what they are, I will talk about your partner's specific fetish.

What your partner wants to do and has learned in the past that he loves and gets very aroused with is called "Pegging". 

Pegging has absolutely nothing to do with being gay at all and I would completely wipe that thought from your head! 

The most unfortunate thing about sexual play is that society's vision of anal play on men is "gay". It really isn't. If it involves a woman performing the act of getting a man off - How is that gay?? It's not - AT ALL!!

Even if he wanted you to dress him like a girl - if he wants to do it with you then embrace it.

This is something that he wants to share with YOU so I would start with wiping that worry of him being remotely close to gay from your head (there's nothing wrong with being gay but I'm talking bout your specific situation).

In every man's ass is his prostate.

The white thing in the photo's ass is a prostate massager toy.

The Prostate (or A Spot) is the equivalent of the women's G Spot and men are capable of having mind blowing orgasms much stronger than the orgasms he has with his penis.

I'm always telling men that if they aren't taking advantage of their prostate they are missing out and I tell them that hopefully they will grow out of that mindset.

There are many different ways to stimulate it and one of those ways is by pegging.

Many men are turned on with the fact that their partner is in total control. 

Pegging is becoming more and more popular and every week I see at least 3 couples come in and choose a strap on for pegging purposes. This is a pretty common one and it isn't bad at all. Doctor Love carries about 20 different strap ons - that is how popular it is!

You dont have to jump right in to the pegging either - you can take it slow, start with some fingers inserted or a toy, I wrote a great article about Anal for Beginners HERE which will give you many other ideas and ways that you can play with him before jumping in to pegging.

If you are concerned about the "dirtiness" of it, make him have an enema first. That will relieve any poo mess issues. You can get an enema kit from any pharmacy and most adult shops, we carry them at Doctor Love right by the anal toys.

Also, while shopping for your first strap on, choose wisely. 

Material is important - Medical grade silicone will be pricier but it is hypo-allergenic and totally non porous and easy to keep clean - very important for anal play. If it smells of strong rubber it is not good for anal usage, you dont want bacteria to leech in to the material. 

Any good shop will open the packaging for you so that you can check it out. 

Also, go together - it does make a fun date buying sex toys! The funnest thing about it is watching your partner's face as they look at all of the different toys, types of accessories and everything. 

Even if you think you know what your partner likes, you can see when he looks at different products what he wants to try or not. That's the greatest part!!

Dont ever worry about the person working at the till - this is everyday stuff to them! Don't be shy and ask questions! 

When pegging for the first time, it is best to give him control. Since you can't feel him clenching or when to stop without him telling you - lie down with the strap on pointing up and he can lower himself down on top. This way, until you are fully in he can control it and it will be more comfy for both of you. 

Once you are able to really get going, switch positions. 

Later on this week I will be writing an article about Strap On Sex. It will include a bit on Pegging as well.

I do hope I have helped a bit, I think you should give it a try! You dont know if you will like it or not, you just don't like the idea. Unfortunately that is because it's a bit off of the norm. You will never know if you don't try it and it will turn him on so much if you gave it a try. If you dont like it you don't have to do it again but I suggest giving it a go - You may just be surprised that you might like it!

If you have any other questions please do ask and keep an eye open for me next article - Strap On Sex.

The importance of kegel exercising for men + how!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the importance of

doing kegel exercises for women - but did you know that it is just as important

to exercise the PC muscle group for men as well??

I'm going to go over the PC muscle group in the male body, why it is so important to

exercise these muscles, the effects and purpose of this muscle group and how

to properly strengthen them.

If you missed the Importance of Kegel Exercising for Women post, have a read

HERE

As you can tell from the photo below of exactly where the PC muscles lie in the male body, you can see that this muscle group preforms many functions:

The kegels, pelvic muscles or PC muscles as you may have heard them being called in the past are actually a group of muscles and fibers that perform a variety of functions called the Pubococcygeus Muscle.

PC Muscles are found in both men and women and span from the pubic bone in the front to the coccyx at the bottom of the spine in the back. These muscles support the pelvic organs and form the pelvic floor. 

For men, these muscles can weaken and stretch out becoming weak from physical sports (football & soccer for example), also from being overweight and with age - Same as women, minus the child birth part.
A weak, atrophied PC muscle is about a finger width thick and a healthy, strong one is about 3 finger widths in thickness.

When these muscles stretch out and weaken a variety of complications can arise including:

Incontinence

Both urinary incontinence and fecal (poop) incontinence are effects of weakened PC muscles since these are what control those sphincters. This is the reason that seniors wear depends - It can be prevented with the exercises that I will explain towards the end of the page. Many younger men dribble urine especially after going to the bathroom.

Erectile Dysfunction

A weakened PC muscle reduces blood flow to the penis causing weaker erections and in worse cases complete erectile dysfunction. These muscles (in conjunction with blood flow) are responsible for creating and maintaining erections. 

Premature Ejaculation
When these muscles are weak you lose ejaculatory control. When you lose ejaculatory control you blow far quicker than you intend to.

Decreased Sensitivity

The decreased blood flow to the penis with weak PC muscles drastically reduces genital sensitivity and also weakens your orgasms - even if your PC's aren't that weak, the stronger they are the stronger your orgasms will be along with any feelings down there. Knowing that you can have even better orgasms is reason enough for most men to start practicing your kegels!

**CAUTION:  Watch the bike riding.  Bike riding (on standard seats) can damage the pudendal nerve, which innervates these same pelvic muscles.  This is one of the reasons that bike riding is often associated with erectile dysfunction.**

You should also consider exercising your kegel muscles if you are experiencing

BPH (enlarged prostate). The over stress on the bladder leads to leakage after urination

and of course what fixes that?! Kegels to the rescue!! These stronger muscles will prevent that

leakage.

Luckily, it is super simple to avoid the above issues by working out

the PC muscle group regularly. The problem is - So many men don't have a clue

of the importance of this issue. Hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of men will never hear

this helpful info that should be common knowledge until it's far too late and they are going to

the doctor to discuss the issues that they are having (and most likely have had for some time).

Even so, it is easy to start at any time.

How do I do my kegel exercises?

The great thing about kegel exercises as they are probably the easiest exercise to do because you
don't have to go anywhere to do it, you don't have to join a gym, you can do it anywhere and
anytime and nobody will ever know you are doing it! They are quick and easy to do as well.
The only trick for a beginner is exercising the proper muscles.

To find the right spot, simply cut the flow (or try to) while urinating.
**Do not use this method TO exercise, just to locate these muscles!**
While stopping your urine flow you should feel the muscles contracting at the base of the
penis and to a little above the anus at the perinium, some people call this area the "taint".
You can also find this muscle by contracting and making your penis move.

If you aren't sure if you have located the right spot, please don't be afraid to ask
your doctor - you can use Biofeedback to learn the proper muscles to use, he/she will insert
a small tool in to the anus (super small - it won't hurt!) and as you flex it will tell you if you are flexing
the right spot and at what pressure. It is super neat because you can get that checked at the
beginning, then further down the road go back and see how much stronger of a flex you have.

While women have all of these fancy products to help them with their kegelling,
men don't have much. I have seen a few contraptions that are massive and expensive
but they are not needed.

Once you have located the proper area, flex and hold for a count of 5 seconds, then release and relax 

completely for another 5 seconds. Perform 10 of these cycles 4 times a day - every other day. 

Each week, up the count of your reps in each cycle by 3 (so then 13 pumps 4X / day) as with any exercise 

routine.

You may find this very difficult to do at first, especially if  your muscles are quite

atrophied. Don't fear though, still work on it and start with holding for 3 seconds instead of 5.

The PC muscles respond quickly, so with continuing work you will notice improvement definitely.

Do not over do it. The method above is perfect and from the many many expert articles out there this 

is what the majority recommend. Over exercising is not helpful and can actually cause adverse effects so just do the proper exercising routine and methods above and you will achieve amazing results!

To be successful, it is important to be consistent with your exercise routine and not to give up. 

Try to find the same time to do these exercises every day or two. Do it in the shower, do it during

your drive to work. Try to make it your routine.

You should notice a change within about 4 weeks but may take up to 8 - 20 weeks of work depending on how atrophied your PC muscles are to notice a large change and to actually delay ejaculation as I am about to share how below.

You will notice a change in blood flow, erection firmness and no more leakage and prevention of these difficulties.

Using Kegels to Delay Ejaculation

Once your sex muscle has gained strength and you can hold a strong kegel for 10 seconds or more
you can try to delay ejaculation with a little known technique that works quite well with strong kegels.
Here's how:

~ When you are about to orgasm, once you hit the point of no return - the point when semen has started          moving through the penis and ejaculation is inevitable - do a kegel.

~ Hold the contraction roughly 10 seconds or more.

~ After the urge to ejaculate has subsided, release the squeeze.

This may take a few tries but works wonderfully once those muscles are worked strong. 

With all of the benefits in this article, the amount of pleasure doing your kegels can bring

and the embarrassment and undue stress not doing them can cause this should all

be common knowledge. I hope you will work on this and tell your friends!!

You could always point them to Sexy U if you don't want to get explicit or personal.

I hope I've helped inform you and I would love to hear your results! 

Ask Me Monday #4

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page or completely

anonymously in the provided box on the main page of the Sexy U Website

and we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

"I dont last as long as I used to. I have a very high sex drive and am ready to

go anytime. I am wondering what you can suggest to help me not arrive so quickly.

I'm not saying that I'm a 2 minute man or anything but I's like to last longer than I do.

Also, does my jerking off affect how long I last in bed? Is there such a thing as jerking off too much and is it affecting me in a bad way?"

Great topic :) 

First off I would like to reassure you that getting yourself off is not

bad for you at all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it at all and

it will not affect you in a bad way. The only times it will affect you in a bad way is if it

is actually affecting your life doing it so much where you can get

in to trouble with other people or if your partner doesn't understand your needs and it 

affects your relationship in a bad way. These are completely different

issues though and doesn't sound like those are an issue for you - they

would be a whole other topic. 

The only way that getting yourself off will change any difference in the length 

of time you last in bed is if you do it soon before sex. 

There are a few ways to help prolong yourself in the sack and one of the

ways is, depending on your recovery time (the time it takes after you have an orgasm

to the time you can get hard again - this time varies from person to person), 

lets say for example, you can't get it up for 15 minutes after you blow a load.

If you were to jack off 15 minutes before you were to have sex with your partner

you should actually prolong your time in bed with her. I'm not sure if you have tried

this, but try it - whatever your recovery time is, go jack off before sex and 

see how much of a difference that makes. It should help a bit anyways.

Jacking off really wont affect your time with your partner in any 

negative way, so no need to worry about that.

Another fact to consider is that women naturally take longer than men

to orgasm. In most cases much much longer! 

This is just how it is and it is totally natural. I have a lot of women tell me that 

they just cant orgasm with their partner but a lot of the time the issue isn't that 

they cant, they just don't spend the required time, he gets off and she 

feels too pressured (whether it's him pressuring her or all in her head) and then it's over. 

This is going to get a little explicit here in a moment...

Knowing the fact that that is just the way it is, there are many natural ways

to prolong yourself while helping her at the same time. Everyone is unique 

in the time it takes so this will vary from person to person.

For example, lets say it takes 15 minutes for her to have an orgasm but only 5 minutes

for you. You must start with foreplay. This is an absolute must if you would

like to speed her up and slow you down. 

If you don't have a vibrator - get one. Sometimes it takes a few to find one

that she really likes but it's worth it when you find it! 

Start with her. 

You know best in what she likes. Use the vibrator on her to get her going

and then eat her out a little to get her nice and further along. If she doesn't like

that then use your hands. Kiss her all over, some women love their nipplles and breasts played with - Just play with her and get her going.

It will get her a lot closer than just diving in to sex because if you do, you are

going to get off and she isn't. That is when sex gets boring and issues start to happen.

We don't want that! 

If she ends up getting close - stop. Don't let her orgasm yet. 

Give her half a minute (if needed) and then start penetration. If you feel like you are going to come to orgasm and don't want to yet a little trick is to change positions.

That will give you a few moments to hold off. Each time you feel like you are getting really close you can either hold off by changing positions or pulling out and focusing on her by doing anything - eat her out, finger her or use a toy on her, play with her breasts or 

whatever. The best sex is playful, adventurous and uses different positions and techniques anyways - she's not going to know that you are secretly trying to prolong 

yourself, and not only are you doing that but you are making it fun and different.

The possibilities of the things that you can do to prolong your orgasm by stopping

and doing something else are endless. There are so many fun things to

do together in bed! Also, by stopping your orgasm - when you do actually blow your 

load it will make it that much stronger.

There are a few other things that you can do as well to prolong yourself in bed.

Have you ever tried a penis sleeve?

This is one of the many, many types of penis sleeves around. You can get 

them very textured, nice and smooth, with extention bits on the end to make 

you "longer" and there are also lifelike sleeves as well.

Sleeves serve two purposes. Not only are they a nice feeling for her (each woman

has her own preferences - some wont like textured, some women are short inside and longer causes pain and so on. It is important to know what she likes through 

good communication or bring her with you while shopping). Try to find one 

like the one in the photo above that has a band to anchor around the testicles. 

They are a bit tight but very stretchy.

Sleeves also do something for the man as well. Because there is such a thick barrier

it will make it so that you feel less. You will feel a bit more by adding lubricant to the inside of the sleeve but if you do that make sure that you do choose one with the band that goes around the testicles so it doesn't slip off being slippery.

This will definitely help to prolong you by feeling less and it will help her with extra sensations as well. This is a good option to try as they aren't too expensive 

(yet they CAN be) and it's always fun to try new things together as well. 

The sleeves aren't just for your penis either - Use them on an insertible toy to switch up the texture. A toy that she didn't like before because it was too hard may

turn in to a favorite with a sleeve.

Another product used for prolonging is called a "desensitizer".

Desensitizers come in a few different forms, they can be creams, balms

or sprays and they have a numbing agent called "lidocaine". 

Basically these take away some of the sensation so that you don't feel as much

in turn, lasting longer. Using desensitizing agents is best used with 

condoms as you will be defeating the purpose if it rubs off on to her, she lasts 

long already as it is! However, the sprays will dry quickly and are 

recommended because of that reason if you are not using condoms. 

So those are the most common ways of prolonging orgasms for men and 

should help you - especially the switching things up bit when you start to get close. 

Also - don't be discouraged by this, 75% of all men say that they orgasm too quickly.

There's no reason that you have to stop after you blow a load either.

Surprise her - If you get off far too soon, just pull out and work on her!

It's only a matter of time before you can go again! There's no 

"One orgasm rule" here. Just because you cum doesn't mean it's a done deal. 

It only means (depending on the man) that you wont have an erection for how ever

long your recovery time lasts. You can do so much in bed with her until you can go again.

Anyways, I hope I've helped and gave you a few good things to try!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please do leave a comment! I love to hear your opinions, 

suggestions and anything else you have to say. 

If you have a question that you would like answered next Monday, 

just inbox it to the Sexy U Facebook page or use the 

anonymous Ask Me Monday form on the main page of the Sexy U website Here

Cancelled event today

Super bummed to inform you that the 

50 Shades of Bondage for Beginners class has been

cancelled this evening due to emergency.

It will be rescheduled!

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Ask Me Monday #3

Every Monday we randomly choose one question that has been sent

in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.

Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering

if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder?!

Send in your question via inbox on the Sexy U Facebook Page and

we just might answer yours!

This week's question is:

Why does my bottle of lube say "For external use only"?

This worries me - Is it safe?

Great question! It is a little unnerving that it says that isn't it?!

Dont worry though really, I have the explanation and it is safe to use for sex!!

The definition of external is an organ situation on or near the surface of the body that are 

open to the outside world. The mouth, vagina and anus are medically classified as "external" body organs

as they are open. Internal would be swallowed, beyond the closed cervix (it cant get there anyways) and

the stomach. Water based lubricants are non toxic and are not harmful if swallowed in small quantities as used during oral sex. It just means not to "eat" it in larger amounts or get in the eyes.

I hope that clears your concern about that, Ive always found it silly that it says that on most vibrators as well!

I have just written an extensive article about lubricant HERE

Please have a read to answer any other lube related questions and as always,

ask away for Ask Me Mondays!

Please do leave a comment! I love to hear your opinions, suggestions and anything else you have to say. If you have a question that you would like answered next Monday, just inbox it to the Sexy U Facebook page or use the Ask Me Monday form on the main page of the Sexy U website Here

What kind of Lubricant is Best??

These days there seem to be a never ending array of different brands
and types of lubricants out there. If you dont know what you're looking for it
can be a daunting task walking in to the shop and seeing the selection.
What to choose?
This is especially difficult if you're sensitive.

I'm going to give you the lubricant low down so that the next time you stop in for
some lube you can feel confident and find just what you're looking for.

There are 4 main types of lubricants, each with their own variations.
I'm going to explain the differences between them.


Oil Based Lubricants
(This includes anything oil based. Whether it's oil based lubricant, massage oil, hand lotions & creams,
natural oils like coconut oil or almond oil - ANYTHING oil based - whether
it's made for intimate use or not)

• Anything oil based should not be used internally. It is great for external use only - such as hand jobs, massage, mutual masterbation, rolling around on a dollar store shower curtain etc. As long as it doesn't go inside, oil based is great. There are a few reasons for this that I'll explain.
• Oil based anything will eat away and weaken condoms, opening the gates to unplanned pregnancy and STI's.
• Oil based anything will also deteriorate any toys you may be using unless it is a hard plastic, glass or steel toy.
• During and after intercourse, the inside of the vagina is covered in microscopic tears. Since oil is not water soluble, it doesn't easily leave the vagina either. You know what sticks to the oil, bothering those little tears? Bacteria. So many women get little infections here and there and dont know why.... This is a common reason. A lot of people will use oils because they are "natural" (almond and coconut oils for example) but it's one of those "when good products turn bad" kind of moments. 
• So please - Keep oils for external play like massage or jacking off only!

We don't sell oil based lubricants in the shop I work in for the reasons above.

Water Based Lubricants

Water based lubes are the safest and most versatile on the market.

There are many - literally hundreds of different types (I will go over the most common in a moment)

and all water based lubricants are safe with condoms, all kinds of toys & vibrators,

safe to use internally and even can come flavored!

Some people are sensitive to some ingredients in water based lubricants, so I will

go over what that is and the ingredients so keep away from.

Are you sensitive to some lubes? Have you ever had a reaction to a lubricant 

that has caused an awful burning sensation or yeast infection?

If so, read on!

Animal Based Glycerin Ingredient

• Lower grade lubricants contain an animal based glycerin to give it it's slickness. These are typically the cheaper lubes, since it is a cheaper ingredient over the alternatives for the company.  (Lube is definitely a "you get what you pay for" product).
• Unfortunately, animal based glycerin bothers a whopping 40% of women, causing that awful burning sensation, ruining the moment right at the worst time possible!
• If you have experienced this problem in the past, or have never used a lube before, I would either stick to glycerin free products or go with a higher grade plant based glycerin ingredient. Unfortunately though, for the most part, the person helping you at most counters dont know the difference, nor do they care (which is what makes Doctor Love so great - We know what were talking about!) and it very rarely says what type of glycerin is being used on the label. It usually just says GLYCERIN. If the person at the counter doesnt know what their talking about and you're not quite sure, stick to glycerin free.

Plant Based Glycerin Ingredient

• Plant based glycerin is a little more expensive than the animal based type, so typically these lubricants are a bit more expensive. It bothers far less women, sitting at 10 - 15% but still manages to bother quite a few. Most of the time people who are bothered by Plant based glycerin are very sensitive and usually have other allergies as well. 
• There are quite a few nice lubricant brands that use plant based glycerin, some being very popular.

Some popular and nice higher grade water based lube using

plant based glycerin are:

Jo

I would have to say this is one of the most popular lubricant brands, they make a huge

variety of different types of lubricants from Glycerin free, silicone based lubricants, anal lubricants, 

PH balanced and more. They are a trusted higher end brand and carries a lubricant for

every need. They even have a flavored line! However, they all include plant based glycerin unless

otherwise noted on the bottle, so if you are really sensitive do be careful which one you choose.

I do find Jo brand to be on the thinner side which makes it a little less tacky but more drippy 

as well.

Another top brand that uses higher grade plant based lubricant is:

ID

ID also carries a wide range of lube types including "Millenium" which is their silicone line,

"Pleasure" which is their tingling lubricant, "Sensation" their warming lube line and "Glide" - which is their

regular water based lubricant. They have 2 lines of flavored lubricant - 

"ID Juicy Lube" & "Fruitopia" which are quite different from each other but will explain that later on.

They have a few others but the main idea here is that they use plant based glycerin 

opposed to animal based. 

I do find ID brand to be a little on the thicker side, some people like a thicker lube since

it isnt as messy and for anal sex the thickness provides more of a cushion and is

more comfortable for some. I do find though, the thicker the lube, the tackier it gets so do

keep that in mind when lube shopping too! Dont be afraid to tip the bottles and

have a good look at the consistency while you are shopping around as well!

O' My

This is another popular brand, actually a lot of my more sensitive clients say that their
Doctors have recommended O' My 's "Natural" lubricant brand. It definitely is not the most natural
product out there, but it is vegan and it does contain plant based glycerin - for the more sensitive people
I would not recommend any products using any form of glycerin since it still bothers some.
However, if plant based glycerin doesn't bother you it really is a nice lube. They also have a very popular
clitoral stimulation gel as well.
O'My does have a flavored lubricant line, the flavors are very yummy!

Of course there are many more but I would say that in the store I work at anyways, these
are the most popular of the higher grade water based lubricants that use plant based glycerin.

Glycerin Free Lubricant Brands

For the most sensitive this is definitely the direction to go in. Even though I am not sensitive, I personally

prefer to stay away from common irritants either way myself. There are 3 great lube brands

all that I can highly recommend and I find are the LEAST tacky or sticky.

We will start with my absolute favorite and the lubricant that I personally use:

Pink Water

I Love Love Love this lube. I find it is the least tacky of any that I have come across and I 

really like the bottle. Because it has a double locking pump, you can have it right on the bed with 

you and you can accidentally roll on it and it wont make a mess! 

(I have some issues with dryness so I like to have my lube bottle within reach)

Pink water is specially formulated for women and contains aloe vera and vitamin E which is

wonderful - As you may have read above, before and after intercourse the vagina is

covered in microscopic tears. The aloe helps to heal those up double time and the vitamin E helps

to soften and hydrate the skin. A very small number of people have an allergy to aloe, however this is

rare and usually something that you already know since it is a common ingredient in many products.

Pink has other lubes including a silicone line, a warming line, cream hybrid (half water, half silicone)

and a toy lube as well. This is the lube that I usually recommend to almost everyone.

Gun Oil

Gun oil is similar to Pink and actually owned by the same company. It is geared towards men but

also contains aloe and vitamin E. Gun oil adds a few other ingredients though, including ginseng and guarana to increase blood flow. These ingredients are not only beneficial to men, but women also. 

The bottle is different and more appealing to men, it doesn't have a pump bottle but a flip cap 

instead, some people prefer that but I like the pump style better. You can get a pump in the larger sized bottles, 16oz and 32oz but really, if you prefer the Gun Oil but want the pump bottle you can purchase 

travel zized pump bottles from any dollar store or Wal Mart.

As with most of the other brands, Gun Oil is available in hybrids & silicone based as well.

Last but certainly not least, the cleanest of all lubes:

Water Slide

This is what I would recommend for people that seem to be allergic to almost everything - including Aloe.

Water Slide literally has only 3 ingredients: water and two plants - that's it.

Surprisingly enough, with so few ingredients it is quite slick and effective, totally vegan as well.

This is the purest of pure and if you are about all natural this is the lube for you!

I am quite surprised that Doctors recommend O'My brand over Water Slide with it's llack of chemical ingredients. One of the plants used in Water Slide is Carrageenan extract (red algae seaweed) which is natures microbicide, recent in-vitro studies are promising, showing that carrageenan actually inhibits HPV (Human Papillomavirus). Carrageenan has yet to be studied on humans but it's looking good. 

So there's my round up of the nicest and most popular water based lubes, next up lets talk about the last main type - Silicone.

Silicone Based Lubricants

I do really like silicone based lubes and you can find them in all of the good brands above except for Water Slide and O'My. My personal favorite of course being the Pink brand.

There are pros and cons in using silicone based lubricants as they can only be used for certain things but I will start with the pros

Pros of using silicone based lubricant:

• Silicone based lubricant does not contain any sort of glycerin. People with sensitivities very rarely have any issues using silicone based lubricants since the ingredients are strictly silicones. Some have added aloe, ginseng or vitamin E but besides that it's rare to contain any irritants. The most sensitive people should not have any issues with silicone based lubricants - which is a common misconception, irritants are used in cheaper water based lubricants, not silicones.
• Silicone based lube never needs to be reapplied like water based, it will not dry out and lasts so much longer. A bottle of silicone lube should last you approximately 10 bottles of water based lubricant! A little goes a very long way.
• Never ever tacky or sticky, silicone based lube is always silky smooth and wont leave you with that "yuck I need a shower" feeling. 
• Silicone based lube is very multi purpose - It is a far better massage oil than any oil based product out there. You can have a full body massage with silicone based lubricant and then literally put your clothes on and go to work - That is how non sticky it is, it leaves a silky smooth, hydrated feeling on the skin. 
• It also is the same ingredients as expensive hair serums! You can use it to tame those fly aways and frizzy hair - this works wonders, a tip that a salon owner client of mine once gave me! 
• Also, silicone based lube is an amazing skin and tattoo conditioner - Not fresh tattoos of course, when you put a dab of it on an older tattoo it hydrates the skin so nicely and really makes the colors (or black) pop. It really brings out the colors (I have 9 tattoos and keep a small silicone lube in my purse for this purpose and for my hair as well).
• For anal sex and anal play of any kind (except oral) silicone lube is really the best for the job. Since your ass does not self lubricate you need to use plenty of good lube. Since silicone lasts and lasts and is super slick it really is the best to use anally. Your ass cleans itself daily and since silicone will not absorb in to your system it is always safe to use anally.
• Silicone based lube is safe for use with condoms and will not deteriorate them.

The cons of using silicone based lubricants:

• You should not use silicone based lubes with your toys & vibrators. Most of the best toys are made of silicone and silicone reacts with silicone. It wont hurt you at all but using silicone lube will deteriorate your toys over time - which is why you should always keep your toys separate, even with two silicone toys in the same drawer touching, one will literally melt the other! Always keep silicones separate.
• Silicone does not leave the vagina easily. It is recommended to use topically, anally or any other way. It isnt harmful and wont leech in to the body but you dont want bacteria sticking to it either. A lot of women insist on using it anyways due to it's silky soft feel and lack of stickiness and yuck factor.
• Silicone based lubricants do not come in flavored options.
• Silicone is always more expensive BUT it does equal out in the long run since a bottle lasts so much longer than the alternative.
• Silicone based lubricants will stain! However, when used properly (you only need a drop or two!) you shouldn't need much at all and its shouldnt be on the sheets anyways. It is thinner and quite liquidy however, so be careful when pouring.

And last but certainly not least is Hybrid lubricants.

Hybrid Lubricants (Half water based and half silicone based):

Hybrid lubricants are a half and half mixture between water and silicone. Commonly hybrid

lubes are a creamy consistency and are supposed to have the washability of a water based lube with the slickness of a silicone based lube. The best of both worlds! Hybrids are quite nice and arent as tacky as water based lubes but not quite as slick and smooth as a silicone based. It seems to be 

right in the middle to me, no matter what the bottle states.

Do keep in mind though, no matter what type of lubricant you choose to use depending on how 

hydrated your body is, they can feel a bit different from one person to the next. If you are very dry and dont drink enough water, any water based may feel a bit sticky to you. It is best to try the testers in store 

on your hands and see how they feel to you. 

Using lube for Anal Sex

Texture of lube does make a difference, some people prefer a thick lube because it's less drippy and messy but with that comes a bit more stickiness. Anally some prefer thicker lubes because it provides more of a cushion and is more comfortable. When you see a brand like Jo, for example - on the shelf you will see the regular water based (as pictured way up above in the very 1st photo) and then you will see next to it, their "Anal" water based lube. There is no variation in ingredients, the anal is only slightly thicker for the cushion reason and that is it - So no need to purchase both unless you want thicker for anal.

Others prefer silicone since it lasts and lasts and is oh so slick and smooth. It really is a preference thing. Your bum clears itself out daily and the silicone is not absorbed in to the body so there is no need to worry about using silicone lube anally. Some find it too thin, others just right.

ID brand lubricant has recently come out with a new anal lube called "BackSlide".

BackSlide is a silicone based lube with a thicker texture to provide that cushion like feel that previously only water based lubes had. I havent yet tried it, it has just come in but it sounds great!

Some "Anal" lubes have a desensitizer in them. These will either use lidocaine or benzocaine and this is meant to ease the discomfort that anal sex brings to so many. 

I will tell you why it isnt advised to use desensitizers anally - It is important for you to feel pain during anal sex. Yes, it can be uncomfortable but pain is a signal that something is wrong. The tissues there are so thin and delicate, it is very easy to have tearing - if you dont feel this and keep going then major damage can easily be caused.  With proper warming up and ass foreplay, there shouldn't be pain. 

It simply means you need to relax and slow way down. 

I wrote a great article about anal sex and how to do it properly HERE, please read it if you have difficulty with anal sex, it will benefit you and your partner!

If you already have an anal desensitizer at home and you are thinking oh no! I have a good alternative idea of how you can use it.

Lidocane and Benzocane are also used in desensitizers for men. 

Men naturally get off far faster than women, so these desensitizers are great to use on the penis as well!

(You can get sprays or creams for this purpose with the same ingredients)

This will numb the penis a bit so that he feels less and takes a bit longer to get off - A great trick! 

Be sure to use a condom though - you dont want it rubbing off on her!

That concludes the talk on regular lubricants, I will now talk a bit about specialty lubricants.

Flavored Lubricants:

All flavored lubricants will be water based, as they are safe to ingest and taste good (for the most part), silicone tastes yucky and you dont really want to ingest that - it doesnt absorb but I would shudder to think what it does to your ummmm... poop! So all flavored lube is water based.

Be sure that there is no sugar in the ingredients, as sugar helps yeast to grow and causes yeast infections. 

All flavored lubes that I have ever come across do contain at least plant based glycerin - If you happen to know a glycerin free flavored lube please let me know! I would love to include the most sensitives on the yummy train!

No matter what, because of the sweeteners and/or sugars in flavored lube, they are going to be a little stickier than regular water based lube. You can use flavored for sex but I recommend non flavored for sex and flavored for oral only because of the extra tack.

A few of the most popular flavored lubricants, some facts and my opinions about them:

Jo Flavored

Jo H20 Flavored lube seems to be the most popular flavored lube by far.

It (like all Jo brand water based lube) contains plant based glycerin and tastes quite good.

With many many flavors to choose from, quite a few more than the photo above, there is a flavor for every taste. I find that it has a slight lubish aftertaste but not much at all and is the nicest smelling lube around. 

They come in large bottles or tiny bottles which are great for travelling or just sampling.

It says on the bottle "silky smooth, never sticky, the only water based lube to feel like silicone" but I would have to beg to differ. It's not silicone, nor does it come close!

ID Brand Flavored Lube

ID Brand actually has two different lines of flavored lubricants.

First, I'll talk about ID Juicy lube:

ID Juicy Lube comes in 12 yummy flavors and is sweetened using 2 artificial sweeteners, saccharin & aspartame. I find it to be quite thick (with thick comes sticky but sticky is no be expected with a flavored lube). This is a favorite of many customers taste wise.

ID also has Fruitopia:

ID Fruitopia is 100% vegan and is the only flavored lubricant that I know of that does not use artificial sweeteners. Fruitopia is sweetened only by the natural juices of the fruit itself which is great. Be careful though, because this is a natural product please pay attention to the expiry date.

It doesnt contain the preservatives that others do.

I do like the fact that these are naturally sweetened, that is a bonus for me. 

It isnt advised to use Fruitopia naturally if you are prone to yeast infections, as the natural sugars may trigger one for you. I am not prone to them nor have I had one in my life (fingers crossed!) and sugar does not seem to affect me like that at all. Some people are more sensitive than others and their PH can get knocked around easily causing yeast infections.

Last but not least My personal favorite flavored lube:

Sex Tarts!

OMG YUM!

I would have to say this is honestly the only flavored lube that I myself will purchase. 

The taste far beats any other brand to me truly. If you like 5 cent sour candies this is the lube for you.

While I find that it tastes the best, it still is sticky like any flavored lube and is artificially sweetened so it wont promote yeast growth. If you are buying a yummy lube for scent though, these dont smell as nice as the Jo brand.

Warming, Cooling & Tingling Lubricants

Although these are quite stimulating, they are not for the sensitive as they are known to irritate some people. 

They feel very nice to some, while others find the sensation just too much. I do recommend trying a small bottle first to see if these types of lubricants are for you as the feedback seems to be split evenly in two, you either love it or hate it. 

Warming, cooling and tingling lubricants are available in both water based and silicone based varieties.

Use caution while practicing anal sex - the delicate tissues and nerve endings seem to multiply the feeling and it's quite unpleasant - keep the sensation type lubricants for anything but anal.

Try it on the nipples - It's quite nice!

That's pretty much all I have to say about lubricants at the moment....

I hope I have helped you decide on what lubes to try and to give you the knowledge to confidently walk in to any store knowing what you are looking at.

If you have any questions, please dont hesitate to ask me, or you can also ask for 

Ask Me Mondays!

*All photos used have been borrowed from the actual product's website*

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