I get asked almost daily about how to go about trying anal for the first time - actually....
usually it's some poor woman who has had a traumatizingly and painful bad
experience in the past with an uneducated ex boyfriend or boy toy!
Anal shouldn't be that way.
There are ways to make back door play feel great - the orgasms you can have
with a penis, plug or beads in the ass can be some of THE BEST orgasms ever - It just has
to be done properly that's all.
Same with for you men out there - You guys are the ones with a G Spot in your bums (well, similar anyways - men have the best orgasms in their asses, thanks to the prostate)
and there is no reason for you to fear it or to miss out on the pleasure it can bring.
Whether you are a man or a woman, these great tips will help you to be on your
way to leaving the fears behind!
First of all, make sure you have plenty of good lubricant on hand. Unlike your vagina, your ass has zero natural lubricant and it will be very uncomfortable for both parties involved. No, spit is not a lubricant!
For anal I do highly recommend a silicone based lube - It lasts longer, no need to reapply and it's not at all sticky. It really is amazing stuff. (you can use it as a massage oil too - THE best massage oil I might add....)
Never use oil based products - they not only break down your toys but condoms as well!
Silicone lube is condom safe but if you are using a silicone toy be sure to stick with water based lubricant only as silicone eats silicone (even if you have two silicone toys in the same drawer touching one will "eat" and break down the other). If you ARE using a silicone toy I recommend PINK water brand lubricant.
If it's all dick, I prefer PINK silicone brand lube (I like that they are glycerin & paraben free + they have aloe vera & vitamin E in them).
Please do stay away from the "anal numbing agents" - there are many products out there claiming to ease the discomfort of anal sex but the truth of the matter is - if it hurts, stop or slow down.
The tissues inside of the rectum are very thin and delicate and easy to tear - if anything happens you need to know. People sadly cause a lot of damage this way.
Boys, as much as you would like to just slide your dick in - please don't.
In all reality the ass needs to be warmed up. It's actually best after an orgasm because the muscles are so much more relaxed at that point (If all else fails - try AFTER she gets off).
Play around the outside while eating her out or during vaginal penetration and after a couple of minutes insert a (lubed up) finger - just to the first knuckle! See how she reacts.
Don't thrust your finger in & out - trust me, until the body is used to a foreign object, movement isn't great. Still, very slowly moving inward and stopping at the next knuckle. Just stay there while doing other things with other parts of her/your body.
If at any point of this you feel her ass clench - DO NOT MOVE. Dont pull out, dont keep moving - just hold still. It will relax in a moment (That is when uncomfy happens).
Now, slowly pull out and grab for an anal toy. You dont want to go straight to dick, even after the warm up. It needs to warm up MORE!
(If you dont have an anal toy, you can try two fingers since it is larger than the one you just had in there, but smaller than your dick. I highly recommend an anal toy though.)
I'm going to quickly go over the three main types of anal toys for a moment so that you can choose what is best for you.
It is important not to use a vaginal toy as you never want to go from ass to vagina - the bacteria in the rectum is not something that the vagina nor the urethra welcomes - that is just asking for an infection.
Please keep anal toys for anal use only, wash your hands before moving up front after being in the back and wear a condom while having anal sex so that you can take it off or switch for a clean one before having vaginal intercourse.
Anal Beads:
First off - Anal beads are my favorite beginner - or anyone, anytime anal toy. There are a few reasons for this:
Choose a set of beads that start small and gradually increase in size. This is a great way to adjust your bum to having something inside it, rather than having to insert an entire plug all at once (slowly of course!), you are able to stop in between each bead to give your body a chance to adjust and you can continue on when you are ready. You can stop anywhere down the line you like and it will stay in.
Unlike contrary belief, anal beads are not for pulling out (you absolutely can if you want but that may be uncomfortable for a beginner), they are best enjoyed just sitting in there unmoving.
They are extremely pleasurable to have in while having sex, even more so for a man since the bumps will rub against the prostate - Get two sets - you each can wear some!
Another great tip for using anal beads - since the tissue is so thin between the ass & the vagina, while having vaginal intercourse he can feel the beads from the front! Quite pleasurable for both of you and really nice while masterbating alone as well.
After some fun with anal beads you may be ready for his penis or you may move to a slightly bigger toy first if you feel the need. The more gradual and non rushed the process, the more likely you will be successful.
Next up,
Butt Plugs:
There are many different shapes and even more sizes of butt plugs.
The one above is "Blush" brand and I like it because it has a hole at the bottom that fits a standard sized vibrating bullet if you so choose to add one.
Vibration does help to loosen the muscles in the area, so it is a good choice for beginners and the advanced alike.
Bullets to add range from $10 to over and above $100 for the high end, super powerful rechargables.
When shopping for a butt plug, it is important to look at the "lip" which is the part catches on to the inside of your bum to keep it from popping out. You want to make sure that the lip is well defined, a lot of "slim" style beginners plugs literally almost have no lip at all and it will only be annoying when you are trying to enjoy the moment and it keeps popping out! So do keep that in mind while shopping around for a plug, there are so many and it can be overwhelming but with this info you will be able to narrow it down like a pro ;)
Another important part is the base - a very important rule of thumb to keep in mind:
NO BASE, NO BUTT!
Please, do not use anything anally that does not have a good, solid base. (the round handle of the anal beads is fine - as long as there's something!) Asses have suction.... you do not want to get anything stuck in there! It is a bottomless pit. If something were to go sideways, well - you will avoid this with this knowledge and hopefully never find out!
Vaginally it's no problem, your cervix is closed and it's a dead end. Never worry there. Anally on the other hand is a whole different ball game. No base, no butt - remember it.
Butt plugs are great be used as foreplay before bum sex, after a plug a penis should be good to go as long as you aren't too eager. I know it's hard at this point of all this action waiting for what you're really trying to get at but slow is the key here.
Another fun way to use a butt plug besides both partners wearing them during intercourse, is to wear one in public under your clothing! Go out for dinner or on a hot date - you two knowing it's there, knowing this sexy secret is foreplay on it's own.
Last but not least, for men:
Prostate Massagers:
I chose the above photo because it shows exactly where the prostate is, along with one of the most popular shaped massagers out there.
The prostate is the male's equivalent to a female's G Spot. Men can have mind-blowing orgasms with their prostate alone - without even touching the penis and a hell of a lot stronger too.
It is really too bad that so many men have it engrained in their minds that the ass is "exit only" - men with this learned attitude are seriously missing out and for their sake I really hope they grow out of it! It's a whole 'nother world to explore together with your partner.
As you can see by the photo (similarly with the woman's G Spot), a toy that is curved is much more beneficial for a man than a straight one, pointed towards the front of the body to stimulate the prostate.
A lot of prostate massagers will have the hook or another part that rubs up against the perineum (or "taint") for more stimulation. Some vibrate, others don't - it is more of a preference thing, but do keep in mind that vibration does help to relax the muscles in the area.
For men, all of the above toys & warm ups work well before "pegging", which is when instead of a man having anal sex with a woman, a woman has anal sex with a man, using a strap on. I'm happy to see this becoming more and more popular all the time as people are starting to open up more and become more adventurous.
Now that we have worked the ass with toys and ready for a full penis or strap on, I'll go over some helpful tips to make the moment a success.
Remember, if there is any tensing up at any point to stop. Not pull out - I mean freeze until the tensing stops, it is quite uncomfortable when that happens and movement makes it worse.
Start with just the tip, once the tip is in, stop moving. Ask her how she's doing. This is not when to start thrusting, I know you wanna but if you want this to happen again with her eager to do it then take it slow (Unless of course she's asking for it!).
Slowly enter bit by bit, not thrusting, just pushing in further. Stop even twice more before you get fully in and ask her if she's okay with it. Once you are all the way in slowly move half way out, stop, then back in. Test the waters and see if you can start thrusting slowly. It wont take long now that her body is relaxed and used to you in there. This may be all she/he can handle for one night - if so, don't be disappointed - tell her how great she did and that together you will try again when she is ready.
For most it is a big step, for some it's no problem - some don't need as much of a warm up as this but really, most do at the beginning.
It's when this warm up doesn't occur and a penis painfully rams in there that she will never want to try again. Unfortunately so many women are traumatized by rough exes that don't properly know what to do. That is their only experience and they hated it. Show her how good it can be by doing it properly and slowly and you wont have a problem.
All of this goes both ways for men and women (minus the prostate bit!).
Oh - and never pull out your dick/ a plug/ anal beads/strap on or a prostate massager quickly.... always slow. It's much more pleasurable that way.
I do hope you have taken away some good knowledge from this post - If you are a woman thinking about trying anal sex for the first time, get your partner to read this post first, without proper communication he may not know what is right.
A lot of people dont know this stuff because people just dont talk about this stuff - it should be common knowledge - We wouldn't have this issue and everyone would be doing it if it was!
But that's why I'm putting this out there for ya. You now hold the key!!
