Every Monday I randomly choose one question that has been sent
in during the week and answer it here, in Sexy U's Blog.
Do YOU have a question to do with sex, intimacy or wondering
if something you heard is true? All people have questions - why wonder when you can
simply ask a professional Sex & Intimacy Coach?!
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Since I have been back from Sexy U's yearly Winter break, I haven't gotten any
Ask Me Monday submissions until now. This week I did get quite a few so I'm going to answer two this week.
Do remember though, if you would like to book a One on One
private appointment to talk about your questions or concerns via Skype, feel free to
book an appointment HERE
This week's 1st question:
I finally got my sex drive back...sort of! Haha enough to want
to try again anyways it hurt to much so we stopped, ive never had to use lube
but im thinking I might need to in order to get things back on track...any
recommendations??? My ob said my stitches healed fine I may just need to
wait longer! I figured you'd have some
tips/advice?
Sure! Getting back in to sex after giving birth can be a tricky, difficult and emotional time.
There are quite a few factors that can affect sex drive at this time and yes, most definitely
I would suggest using a good lubricant for sure.
First I want to talk a little bit about what happens with your sex drive after having a baby
just so you know that you're not alone if your drive isn't as high as it was before.
It is totally normal to have little to no sex drive after birth, not only because of what's
happened to your vagina and the healing process but when you give birth and especially while breastfeeding, your body produces an abundance of a hormone called Prolactin.
Prolactin stimulates the production of breast milk but it also
decreases the sex drive immensely. Some people think that because you are
at the most fertile time in your life from the moment of birth and until between one and two years afterwards (it's very easy to get pregnant again at this time), Prolactin acts as a natural birth control by lowering and in most cases diminishing the sex drive to prevent you from becoming pregnant too soon again.
If you are a breastfeeding mother, you will produce a lot more Prolactin than new mothers that do not breast feed. Because of this and the effects that Prolactin has on the sex drive, you may have to deal with a lower drive until breast feeding is complete, depending on when that is for you.
Besides the Prolactin factor, being a new mother, your body has changed a lot.
Some women are comfortable with that (because it's totally natural!), while others are more self conscious with these changes which can affect sex drive after birth in itself and can be nerve wracking trying those first times and afterwards. What is very important is to be sure that you are doing your kegel exercises to prevent PC muscle atrophy which is quite common with pregnancy and birth.
I wrote a great detailed post about all of the issues it can cause, how to avoid it, improve it and how to do your kegels properly - every woman should be doing these - during pregnancy, afterwards and throughout life - even without ever giving vaginal birth.
If you haven't read it yet (even if you already know about kegels!), I highly recommend it, it's right Here.
With all of the hormonal changes that a woman's body goes through during pregnancy and child birth, it is totally natural and normal to lose some (and occasionally all) of that natural lubrication. For some women, this change is only for a short time and for others it can be a lifetime change. There is nothing wrong with needing to use lubricant at this time (or ever really - every woman is different in the amounts she secretes - children or no children), it doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't turned on (unless you aren't turned on!) or that anything is wrong at all.
Also, since you have a bit of scar tissue down there, it makes sense to use a lubricant to help with the slickness, it will be a lot more comfortable with a good lube.
For you, I would suggest a good water based lubricant with a touch of Aloe Vera, which of course is good for healing.
I use lubricant every time, I'm not ashamed to say it - I find I don't secrete as much as I used to being in a long term relationship which is totally normal. I also find that the slipperiness adds a nice touch! I really enjoy using lube.
The lubricant above is what I would recommend for you - It's the one I use and really the only one I use (besides my favorite flavored lube for oral ;)
Be sure to get the water based blue topped bottle - they do have a few other versions such as silicone based, water based warming, hybrid, etc but they are all different colors. The one you want is the blue topped one just like the photo shows.
It has aloe vera in it, which is nice for healing (even without stitches or after birth, something that's a little unpleasant to hear is that during and after regular intercourse, the walls of the vagina are covered in tiny microscopic tears. Aloe in a lube is great for anyone).
I find that for a water based lube, it does a great job at keeping it's slickness without becoming tacky like most of them do.
It also is a pump bottle, so it gives you the perfect amount and unlike squeeze tube bottles or flip tops, you can have it right on the bed (or wherever you do it) beside you and if you accidentally roll on it, it's not going to make a mess or squirt everywhere - it has a nice locking pump. If you take the label off it simply looks like a hand lotion bottle, so there are no concerns with leaving it out and people knowing what it is - unless they use it themselves.
Some people do have a sensitivity or allergy to aloe however (which is pretty rare - most of us have used it on our cuts right from the plant), and if that applies to you I'm going to suggest something else - just in case.
The lubricant in the photo above is definitely a close second.
This is a great water based lube and is what I recommend to people that are very sensitive and have a lot of allergies or irritations and is also what I recommend to people that prefer to use vegan, all natural products. (Although the Pink Water above is also free of glycerins & parabens)
This lube is 100% natural and only has 3 ingredients - water and two plants - that is it!
I find that despite the lack of ingredients it is a very slick and effective lubricant.
Of the many natural lubes I've tried before, you usually get the downfall of extreme tackiness, but not with this one here.
Please don't use any natural oils in place of lubricants - many people figure that since they are natural and super slick that they make a great lubricant alternative (which does feel great at the time) but that is not the case at all. Anything that is an oil (natural or not) does not easily leave the walls of the vagina. Bacteria will stick to the oil and cause a host of problems - with those natural microscopic tears that occur during sex this is a very bad combination that can lead to infection very easily. So do keep that in mind! It's best to stick with a water based lubricant such as the two above.
Most importantly start very, very slowly and if it's irritating or causing too much pain there's no need to completely stop playing - there are plenty of other things that you can do to finish off the moment ;) I do suggest a lot of good foreplay and warm up before penetration to help it along. Another suggestion would be to start off by inserting something a bit smaller first, playing for a little bit and then moving to him - men are very visual and most LOVE to watch a woman play with herself - Or he can do it for you. Starting a bit smaller and moving up to the size of him will help a bit a long with the lube.
If you would like to read more info on lubricants, you can read a previous post I had written Here.
It goes through many different lubricants for specific uses and the differences between all of the different types out there. It's a great informative article.
If you have any more questions feel free to send them to me, I hope I did a good job at answering your question, I'm happy to help!
Congrats on the new baby as well :)
As for this week's second question......
Are female supplements like Durazest for women safe when breastfeeding?
Unfortunately the government does a very lousy job at regulating and testing herbs since (in my opinion) herbs don't make them any money. Because of the lack of testing with herbs and the fact that many herbs are unsafe to use while pregnant and/or breastfeeding, they are not advised to take during these times.
Not all "unsafe" while breastfeeding herbs affect the baby, some herbs affect
the actual milk supply itself. There are many lists out there full of herbs to avoid while pregnant or breastfeeding (there are some good ones Here & Here) that are known to affect baby and/or milk supply but they are in no way complete lists, most herbs have not been fully tested.
Because of this, herbal supplements like Durazest for women are not advised to use while breastfeeding as they do contain Panax Ginseng and Guarana which is definitely on the harmful list as you can see in the above links.
The best thing that I would recommend is to discuss this with both your family doctor to see if there is anything he can give or suggest that is safe and also a lactation consultant for a second opinion as they are familiar with herbal remedies and all things to do with breastfeeding specifically.
Since most likely her prolactin hormone is high (a natural hormone that helps her to produce breast milk but also kills the sex drive) most likely you wont get good results until breastfeeding is over unfortunately - but it still doesnt hurt to ask the Dr and lactation consultant.
Good luck to you!
